Oprah and the Bigger Picture

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Yesterday on Super Soul Sunday, Oprah sat down with three of her favorite thinkers—Rev. Ed Bacon, Elizabeth Lesser and Mark Nepo—to deep dive into the news and look at the bigger picture. Using a different lens, this soul spiritual team addressed prescription drugs, gun violence, celebrity culture, gay marriage, and pets.

Prescription Drugs

The 2011 statistics are alarming: nearly 4 billion prescriptions were filled; 16 million Americans use painkillers; 5 million use sleep aids; and 18 million use antidepressants.

Oprah asked, “Do these numbers point to a collective hole in the soul of the country?

Rev. Ed was the first to respond. He revealed that he had experienced clinical depression and spent eight years in psychotherapy during his thirties. He carefully laid out a foundation of respect for anyone who has a chemical imbalance. According to Rev. Ed, these pills are okay if they help you enter life. They are not okay if they help you avoid life. Question to ask: Are you isolating yourself or living in community?

Elizabeth Lesser shared her marital problems and commented, “If I had medicated myself, I would not have had the courage to change.” Many people are replacing journeys of self-discovery with medication and choosing to stay asleep.

Mark Nepo’s wife also experienced depression. Mark thinks of medication as necessary aids and tools and strongly advocates psychotherapy which he believes is “attention to the soul.”

Gun Violence

With over 250 million guns in the United States, Americans are the most well-armed civilian population in the world. In 2010, there were 31,672 gun deaths; more than 19,000 of these were suicides. Unfortunately, it took the death of children to trigger a turning point in the gun control debate.

Rev. Ed believes that the Connecticut effect is here for a long time. In less than five minutes, 154 bullets emptied into the bodies of innocent children and adults. Elizabeth Lesser admits that we are hard-headed as a species and need big things to wake us up.

Oprah asked, “Why is arming ourselves so important?”

Mark Nepo believes there is an epidemic of fear and self-centeredness in our culture. People are arming themselves instead of facing their fears head-on. According to Rev. Ed, there is definite tension between the myth of the separate self and an understanding that we are all connected. He advised us to really listen to our adversaries and people who have a different perspective on the gun control debate.

Celebrity Culture

Oprah calls it the fallen celebrity syndrome.

Mark Nepo believes that people are obsessed with celebrity while quietly aching for things to celebrate. They want to pull people up so they can knock them down later. Rev. Ed referred to the shadow side of the celebrity syndrome. Many people prefer to avoid their own lives and project themselves in the scripts of others. Elizabeth Lesser suggested that when celebrities fall, people take comfort in the fact that everyone suffers in this life.

Gay Marriage

Public opinion has definitely shifted. In 1996, 27 percent of Americans supported gay marriage. In 2012, 53 percent supported gay marriage.

Elizabeth Lesser was educated through love. Growing up, she had no encounters with the gay population, but after nursing a friend with AIDS, she became more open and accepting. Rev. Ed believes that where you stand on this issue depends on where you sit Sunday mornings. According to Rev. Ed, gay marriage will enrich the institution of marriage. Everyone agreed that the institution of marriage was in trouble long before the advent of gay marriage.

Pets

Americans spend $53 billion annually on their pets. These animals bring delight, comfort and joy along with unconditional love and acceptance.

The three spiritual teachers were not surprised by this statistic. Mark Nepo shared an insight about the predominance of animals in Native American storytelling. An elder informed him that the Great Spirit, in his wisdom, realized that animals never forget their original instructions while human beings do.

Oprah asked, “Are we using our pets as a substitute for human interaction?”

Rev. Ed admitted this is the shadow side of having pets. They can keep us from the pain and messiness of human relationships. He ended on a lighter note by describing the Blessing Ceremony on St. Francis Day. When people bring their pets to church, they are really bringing more of themselves.

Oprah and Dr. Maya Angelou

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On yesterday’s Super Soul Sunday, Oprah sat down with Dr. Maya Angelou. At age 85, this gifted literary mother, grandmother and great-grandmother is still taking the world by storm.

Her latest memoir, Mom & Me & Mom, focuses on the deep spiritual connection between Dr. Angelou and her beautiful mother Vivian Baxter. A spitfire with a larger than life presence, Baxter loved and encouraged her daughter throughout her life. Dr. Angelou is grateful for the love she received from her mother, grandmother and son. She strongly believes that kind of love heals the wounds left by a larger society.

Best advice she received—Forgive

Best advice she gave—Have a pristine place deep inside that no one else can touch

Definition of God—All

Definition of Soul—The spirit that longs for All

Quotable Quotes…

Nobody makes it alone.

I had a lot of clouds, but I have had so many rainbows in my clouds.

Thriving is elegant.

Religion is only the map. Spirituality is surrender.

The caged bird sings because it must.

Honoring Lady Thatcher

Margaret_ThatcherFormidable. Dominant. Revered. Stern. Divisive.

So many adjectives come to mind whenever Margaret Thatcher’s name comes up, many of which have earned her the nickname, The Iron Lady.

Agree or disagree with her politics, we all recognize her extraordinary achievements as the first and only female prime minister of Great Britain (1979-1990). She has demonstrated to all of us there isn’t a glass ceiling that cannot be shattered.



My favorite Lady Thatcher quotes…

If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman. (1965 speech)

You don’t win by just being against things, you only win by being for things and making your message perfectly clear. (February 1975)

Where there is discord, may we bring harmony. Where there is error, may we bring truth. Where there is doubt, may we bring faith. And where there is despair, may we bring hope. (May 1979)

Pennies don’t fall from heaven—they have to be earned here on Earth. (November 1979)

To those waiting with bated breath for the favourite media catchphrase, the U-turn, I have only one thing to say. You turn if you want to. The lady’s not for turning. (October 1980)

Defeat? I do not recognize the meaning of the word. (April 1982)

No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he’d only had good intentions. He had money as well. (January 1986)

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. (April 1989)

If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time and you would achieve nothing. (May 1989)

Do you have a favorite Lady Thatcher quote?

Dealing with the Monster Moon

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Usually, I skim over my horoscope, smiling or frowning at the message and then promptly forget the specifics. But this past week has been different. Each day, the message has referred to the potent “monster moon” that is passing through this evening.

What is a monster moon?

It is the full moon that occurs when several planets meet at hard angles. Tonight, as the moon grows full, Venus, Mars and Uranus will form an approximate right angle to Pluto. While all of this is invisible to the naked eye, there is concern about the potent tug of war between these feisty planets.

What does that mean?

The annual full moon in Libra signals an increase in proposals and handshakes. That may not be not the case today. Some astrologers are predicting more shouting than listening, especially in circumstances involving weak relationships and unclear goals. Several horoscopes have hinted that the impact of this powerful moon could be felt over a longer period, four days before and four days after March 27th.

What can we do?

Strengthen those weak relationships…Firm up those goals…Don’t go looking for trouble.

Namaste

Honoring Gloria Steinem

gloria4Yesterday, feminist icon Gloria Steinem celebrated her 79th birthday. Still beautiful and wiser than ever, she is an inspiration to all women. Her name will be forever associated with the women’s rights movement.

Whenever I need a pick-me-upper, I pick up one of her books and, if I’m in a hurry, I recall her famous quotes.


Some of us are becoming the men we want to marry.

We’ve begun to raise daughters more like sons…but few have the courage to raise our sons more like daughters.

Most women are one man away from welfare.

God may be in the details, but the goddess is in the questions. Once we begin to ask them, there’s no turning back.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined place.

If the shoe doesn’t fit, must we change the foot?

Hope is a very unruly emotion.

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

What is your favorite Gloria Steinem quote?


Oprah and Dr. Brené Brown–Part II

brene2I’m glad Oprah decided to spend another Super Soul Sunday with Dr. Brené Brown. Yesterday’s show focused on shame and fear and how they rule our existence. A joy-filled hour packed with aha moments, so many that I will probably watch the telecast several times to make sure I haven’t missed one.

When Dr. Brown started to study shame, she discovered that the decision to study shame had led to the death of many academic careers. No one wants to talk about the most human and primitive of emotions, one  that Dr. Brown so aptly described as an intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging.

She also differentiated between shame and guilt, demonstrating the power of our words.

I’m bad vs I did something bad.

I’m a mistake vs I made a mistake.

I was particularly impressed by the response Dr. Brown’s daughter gave the teacher who commented: “You’re messy.” Displaying a healthy dose of self confidence, the child replied, “I may be making a mess, but I’m not messy.”

As I listened to the telecast, I thought back to my own cancer experience. During those ten months, I discovered who could and who could not bear the weight of my new story. I will always be grateful to the five angels who called me that first weekend and offered specific help. No pity parties or flying debris from those wonderful friends. Thankfully, I did not have to endure too many insufferable comments: “Oh, you poor thing!”; “Bless your heart.” I was moved by the friend who approached me a year later and apologized for not being there for me.

Quotable Quotes…

Unused creativity is not benign. It gets metastasized as rage, judgment, shame…

Calm people are breathers. They breathe and ask questions.

Cultivate laughter, song and dance. We need to let go of control and cool.

Cool is an emotional strait-jacket.

If there is secrecy, silence and judgment, shame grows exponentially and creeps into every corner and crevice of life.

Shame is the #1 classroom management tool.

Shame can’t survive empathy.

Shame depends upon us buying into the belief that we are unworthy.

Keep the shadow up front because it can only take you down from behind.

Share with people who have earned the right to your story.

Some people confuse connection with the opportunity to one-up you.

Love and belonging are irreducible needs.

Oprah and Dr. Brené Brown

brene2Kindred spirits.

It was obvious on yesterday’s Super Soul Sunday that Oprah and Dr. Brené Brown were forging a long-term relationship as they discussed the most uncomfortable of topics: vulnerability.

The fifth generation Texan had her own issues with vulnerability. A bit surprising for the academic who had devoted many years of research to vulnerability, courage and shame. In 2007, she realized that she wasn’t walking the talk and had a full-on breakdown. After intense therapy, she had a spiritual awakening and revealed her deepest fears at a 2010 TED talk on vulnerability. She became an internet celebrity, reaching over eight million people with that talk.

But the story doesn’t end there.

As Dr. Brown become more popular, the critics came out of the woodwork. She ignored her husband’s advice and read the anonymous negative comments. Devastated, she retreated and spent ten hours watching Downton Abbey reruns. She researched the period and rediscovered the famous Theodore Roosevelt quote:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena…if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory or defeat.

Dr. Brown decided she wanted to be the man in the arena and came up with her own personal mantra:

If you’re not in the arena getting your butt occasionally kicked, I am not interested in your feedback.

Throughout the telecast, she offered wonderful insights on the scarcity culture, imperfection, and living wholeheartedly. I am looking forward to reading her third book, Daring Greatly.

Quotable Quotes…

You can’t get courage without walking through vulnerability.

#1 casualty of the scarcity culture is vulnerability.

There is no innovation or creativity without failure. Period.

God is the diving reminder of our inherent worthiness.

There is no joy without gratitude.

When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding.

Faith – (Vulnerability + Mystery) = Extremism

Authenticity is a choice we make every day, sometimes every hour.

The ego is the hustler and the message is “hustle for your worth.”

Inspired by Sue Johnston

suejFacts tell—stories sell.

That’s only one of the many nuggets delivered by Communication Coach Sue Johnston at yesterday’s GWIN (Guelph Women in Networking) meeting.

During a lively interactive session, she guided us through the Three Ps—Purpose, People, Point—needed to craft an effective and memorable 60-second introduction. Working through her double-sided handout, I quickly discovered several holes in my own pitch for Between Land and Sea. While I wasn’t ready to share my personal introduction, I was impressed by the women who stood up and spoke eloquently and passionately about their businesses.

Throughout the presentation, Sue stressed the following points:

Keep it simple—three points maximum.

Make it about the audience.

Invite action and make it easy for the audience to take it.

A seasoned speaker, Sue Johnston delights in helping people find their voices and tell their stories.

Quotable Quote…

Men will want to hear a story if you use a metaphor they will understand.

Oprah and Dr. Robin Smith

robinsmith2She was on top of the world. Psychologist. Bestselling author. Ordained minister. Thirty-five appearances on the Oprah show.

And then life happened to Dr. Robin Smith.

She was in a serious car accident. Her home was flooded and later burglarized. Her beloved pet died. She lost her money.

She lost her way.

Yesterday, Dr. Smith sat down with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday to share her experiences and reveal how she found light after the darkest of days.

In a very moving hour, Dr. Smith described the hunger or “emotional anorexia” that permeated most of her life. This state occurs whenever people call themselves full while living off the crumbs of life.

Throughout the telecast, Oprah and Dr. Smith referred to the following quote from C.S. Lewis:

Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pain. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.

At first, Dr. Smith wondered why God had to get so loud, but eventually realized that a megaphone was needed to rouse a dying Robin. The universe did not want her to settle for emotional crumbs and call it a meal.

While healing, Dr. Smith started writing her book, Hunger: The Truth About Being Full. The experience was a cathartic one that helped her reclaim parts of herself. She was only able to release the book  once she was shackle-free.

Quotable Quotes…

Universe is on time and on point, every moment.

The soul is an unshackled core of energy and light that mirrors back its own beauty.

It only takes two, God and I are enough!

Adulthood is here to address the unfinished business of childhood.

Freedom is being who you are, unapologetically.

Put your vulnerability in the light and it will be embraced and feel warm.

Be quiet enough to hear God’s voice so you can find your own. (Dr. Smith’s parents)