Humor | Joanne Guidoccio

Thanks to Andy Behnan for sharing…

popefrancis After getting all of Pope Francis’s luggage loaded into the limo at the airport, (he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

‘Excuse me, Your Holiness,’ says the driver, ‘Would you please take your seat so we can leave?’

‘Well, to tell you the truth,’ says the Pope, ‘they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.’

‘I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! What if something should happen?’ protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.

‘Who’s going to tell?’ asks the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kmh. (Remember, the Pope is Argentinian, and Fangio the famous racer was Argentinian)

‘Please slow down, Your Holiness,’ pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

‘Oh, dear God, I’m going to lose my license — and my job!’ moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches; but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

‘I need to talk to the Chief,’ he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going 205 kph.

‘So bust him,’ says the Chief.

‘I don’t think we want to do that. He’s really important,’ says the cop.

The Chief exclaims, ‘All the more reason!’

‘No, I mean really important,’ says the cop.

The Chief then asks, ‘Who do you have there, the mayor?’

Cop: ‘Bigger.’

Chief: ‘A senator?’

Cop: ‘Bigger.’

Chief: ‘The President?’

Cop: ‘Bigger.’

‘Well,’ says the Chief, ‘Who is it?’

Cop: ‘I think it’s God!’

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, ‘What makes you think it’s God?’

Cop: ‘His chauffeur is the Pope!’

Use one of these jokes at your next meeting.

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The loaded mini-van pulled into the remaining campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils.

A nearby camper marveled to the father, “That’s is some display of teamwork.”

The father replied, “I have a system – no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up.”

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As a senior citizen drove down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him: “Vernon, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be careful!”

“Hell,” Vernon said. “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”

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A little boy attended his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked, “How many women can a man marry?”

“Sixteen,” the boy responded.

Amazed by the quick response, his cousin asked, “How do you know that?”

“Easy,” the little boy said, “All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”