Clean Jokes for Toastmasters


Use one of these jokes at your next meeting.


A doctor was taking her four-year-old to preschool. The doctor’s stethoscope was on the car seat and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

“Be still, my heart,” thought the physician, “my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!”

Then the child spoke into the instrument: “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?”


Danny had recently passed his driving test and decided to ask his father if there was any chance of him getting a car for his birthday.

“Okay,” said his father. “I’ll tell you what I’ll do. If you can get your grades up to A’s and B’s, study your Bible, and get your hair cut, I’ll consider the matter very seriously.”

A couple of weeks later, Danny went back to his father who said, “I’m really impressed by your commitment to your studies. Your grades are excellent and the work you’ve put into your Bible studies is very encouraging. However, I have to say I’m very disappointed that you haven’t had your hair cut yet.”

Danny quickly responded, “While studying the Bible, I noticed that Moses, John the Baptist, Samson, and even Jesus had long hair.”

“I’m aware of that,” replied his father, “but did you also notice they walked wherever they went?”

Source: St. Joseph’s Church bulletin


My husband and I were standing in line at the ATM in Lucca, a small town in Italy. History, music, religion, and art surrounded us, including ramparts, a statue of the composer Giacomo Puccini, and a beautiful cathedral.

Ahead of us, two tourists were chatting, “You can always tell we’re near civilization,” said one to the other, “when there’s a bank machine close by.”

Source: Violet Hughes, Reader’s Digest


7 responses to “Clean Jokes for Toastmasters

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