Mermaid Humor

While fishing, three men catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish.

The first man shakes his head and says, “Okay, if you can really grant wishes, then double my IQ.”

The mermaid says, “Done.”

Suddenly, the man starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly.

The second man is so amazed, he says to the mermaid, “Triple my IQ.”

The mermaid says, “Done.”

The man starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping the scientists.

Impressed, the third man decides to one-up his friends. “Quintuple my IQ.”

The mermaid looks at him and says, “You know, I don’t usually try to change people’s minds when they make a wish, but I really wish that you would reconsider.”

The man is adamant. “No, I want you to increase my IQ times five, and if you don’t do it, I won’t set you free.”

“Please,” says the mermaid, “You don’t understand what you’re asking, it will change your entire view on the universe. Won’t you ask for something else….a million dollars, anything?”

But no matter what the mermaid said, the third man insisted on having his IQ increased by five times its usual power. So the mermaid sighed and said, “Done.”

And the third man is transformed into a woman.

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A Yoga Oxymoron

oxymoronI collect oxymorons—or to be more technically correct, oxymora—and like to pepper my conversations with same difference, random order, and open secret. When I use less common oxymora such as planned spontaneity, controlled chaos, clean dirt, and pontificatory salvos, I enjoy watching the puzzled expressions on the faces of listeners who wonder whether they should laugh or not.

But I was taken aback by the yoga oxymoron that appeared in the pages of my cozy mystery, A Season for Killing Blondes.

Continue reading on the Heroines with Hearts Blog.


10 Reasons I Love Historical Romance

I’m thrilled to welcome Soul Mate author Caroline Warfield to the Power of 10 series. Today, Caroline shares the reasons she loves historical romance and her latest release, Dangerous Weakness.

Here’s Caroline!

Carol Roddy - Author1. Castles and manor houses—I wouldn’t want to clean one but it is fun to fantasize living in one. I would particularly love a house with fabulous views from every window.

2. Servants—who wouldn’t want them?

3. Tall ships—they look glorious under sail, and impressive when docked. Although I would without doubt suffer from mal-de-mer if I had to sail on one, I love to look at them.

4. Paper—deep cream-colored vellum, or scrolls of parchment or papyrus. Old books and documents draw me like a bee to honey.

5. Houses with libraries in them—nothing is better than walls lined with books, dark wood and the smell of bees’ wax.

6. Standards—most historical periods come with clear standards for behavior, honor, and romance. The rules give structure to the age old dance of love, and ease the writer’s task.

7. Clothes—long gowns and soft fabrics look yummy. Periods in which the fashions are simple and take a natural shape such as ancient Rome, the Regency, and the first thirty years of the 20th century appeal to me the most.

8. Heroes—men who have honor and courage, with a mix of protectiveness and tenderness. Heroes who aren’t afraid to both manage a nation and build a family, bending from great issues to small children when called upon.

9. Family–sadly enough I find stories about family and life-long marriage easier to write when placed in an earlier time.

10. History itself—I love stories placed against the great events with their larger than life heroes.

dangerousweakness

Blurb

If women were as easily managed as the affairs of state—or the recalcitrant Ottoman Empire—Richard Hayden, Marquess of Glenaire, would be a happier man. As it was the creatures—one woman in particular—made hash of his well-laid plans and bedeviled him on all sides.

Lily Thornton came home from Saint Petersburg in pursuit of marriage. She wants a husband and a partner, not an overbearing, managing man. She may be “the least likely candidate to be Marchioness of Glenaire,” but her problems are her own to fix, even if those problems include both a Russian villain and an interfering Ottoman official.

Given enough facts, Richard can fix anything. But protecting that impossible woman is proving to be almost as hard as protecting his heart, especially when Lily’s problems bring her dangerously close to an Ottoman revolution. As Lily’s personal problems entangle with Richard’s professional ones, and she pits her will against his, he chases her across the pirate-infested Mediterranean. Will she discover surrender isn’t defeat? It might even have its own sweet reward.

Excerpt

“We will marry of course,” he told her. “Quickly, but not so abruptly as to cause comments.” He walked toward the door, expecting her to follow.

“I beg your pardon,” she called out to him. “We will what?”

He turned on his heel. “Miss Thornton, you will be the Marchioness of Glenaire. That is far from ideal, and the difference in our state will no doubt cause talk. We will have to endure it.”

“Why?” she demanded. “Why this ‘far from ideal’ demand? Has Lady Sarah refused you?”

“Don’t be coy, Miss Thornton. You have led me into folly at every step. After last night I have no choice. I shall have to marry you. My family—”

“Your family would have kittens if I married you, which I will not.”

“You have respectable, if not the highest, breeding, you will show to advantage when properly dressed, and you will do well as a diplomatic hostess. My family, I was going to say, will have to deal with it.” He stalked away. “So will you.”

“I will not,” Lily shouted after him.

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Bio

Caroline Warfield has at various times been an army brat, a librarian, a poet, a raiser of children, a nun, a bird watcher, an Internet and Web services manager, a conference speaker, an indexer, a tech writer, a genealogist, and, of course, a romantic. She has sailed through the English channel while it was still mined from WWII, stood on the walls of Troy, searched Scotland for the location of an entirely fictional castle (and found it), climbed the steps to the Parthenon, floated down the Thames from the Tower to Greenwich, shopped in the Ginza, lost herself in the Louvre, gone on a night safari at the Singapore zoo, walked in the Black Forest, and explored the underground cistern of Istanbul. By far the biggest adventure has been life-long marriage to a prince among men.

She sits in front of a keyboard at a desk surrounded by windows, looks out at the trees and imagines. Her greatest joy is when one of those imaginings comes to life on the page and in the imagination of her readers.

Where to find Caroline…

Website | Facebook | Twitter | Newsletter

Giveaway

Caroline will give a Kindle copy of the winner’s choice of Dangerous Works or Dangerous Secrets to one randomly selected person who comments.

10 Anxiety Antidotes

anxietyantidotesguidoccio

For many of us, worry is a habit. Our minds whirl as we over-analyze and over-think each situation.

Is the report good enough?

Why isn’t he calling back?

What if the loan doesn’t come though?

It’s easy to become overwhelmed and let opportunities slip away as we ruminate about past events or worry about the future. To improve the quality of our lives, we need to find and implement appropriate stress busters.

Continue reading on Chris the Story Reading Ape’s blog.

It’s OK to Fall Out of Love

broken heart

We can all recall that magical moment when we typed the last words of our manuscript and lovingly glanced at the neatly piled pages on the desk. Head over heels in love, we could easily visualize literary agents and publishers emailing us within hours of receiving the manuscript.

That is the fantasy.

The reality is very different.

That first draft is never ready for publication. Some manuscripts require major surgeries such as changing POV and adding more sub-plots and characters. Longer manuscripts with over 100K words may need to be pared down. All manuscripts need to be checked for grammar, punctuation, and spelling.

Continue reading on the Soul Mate Authors blog.

Spotlight on Souls Estranged

I’m happy to feature Anne B. Cole’s new release…

SoulsEstranged (3) (1)

Blurb

Back from their adventures in Souls Entwined, Sam Daggett begins a new relationship with Gretta Dobbs, whose memories of their time traveling experience have been erased. Determined to never leave her again, Sam vows to help Gretta, despite the bad luck curse on her heirloom ring. Within hours of their return, tragedy strikes. As Sam becomes the third victim of the bad luck curse, Gretta’s memories of her time spent in the past begin to return. Unable to remember more than snippets, she realizes that anyone close to her is in grave danger. In order to keep Sam and her family safe, she flees in the middle of the night. Finding the perfect summer job in the back hills of Virginia, Gretta unknowingly crosses paths with a serial killer. With guidance from their ancestral spirits, Roxana and Katarina, Sam desperately attempts to find Gretta before the curse strikes again.

Prologue

In the dim morning light of the hospital room, Sam Daggett watched the little cat stretch its front paws before zeroing intense green eyes on him.

“Roxana?” He scrutinized the feline for the slightest twitch of recognition.

Nothing.

Doubting Roxana’s spirit remained entwined within the gray and white cat, he moved his focus to Gretta Dobbs. She slept peacefully with her hand nestled in his. Neither of their families had returned to the hospital. Her garnet ring caught his attention and immediately a sense of foreboding crept up his spine.

His heart sped as images of his time traveling, out-of-body adventure with Gretta flashed through his mind. Roxana, Gretta’s long-dead ancestor, enabled their souls to entwine within nineteenth-century lovers in order to gather information on the cursed ring. Pride, determination, and fear filled him.

“I’m so sorry we didn’t find all of the answers we needed,” Sam whispered as he lifted her hand to his lips. He watched her eyes and listened for the beep of the heart monitor to quicken, satisfied she remained in dreamland. “I know you don’t remember our time together or what we’ve been through.”

He shuddered at the memories. His gaze fell back to the ring. Frustration filled him. The urge to rip it off her hand pounded through him, but he remembered she remained cursed with or without the ring.

Control. I must control my emotions.

He refocused his thoughts on the present and relished in the gratitude of simply being in the same room with her.

A soft sigh escaped her lips and she squeezed his hand before slipping into a deeper slumber.

“With you, nothing is impossible.” Careful not to bump his broken collarbone, Sam leaned closer and murmured, inches from her ear, “Brave and beautiful. Ready and willing to face pirates, spirits, and the horrors of the purgatories to end the family curse.” His heart hammered in his chest as memories of seeking treasure, falling in love, and losing it all flashed within his mind.

“I love you, Gretta. I’ll do everything in my power to earn your love.”

Tracing his fingers over the back of her hand, he touched the face of the ring’s oval red stone. He remembered every moment of their time together, while Gretta’s memories had been erased. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t prevent his thoughts from wandering. Concern prickled his skin as he recalled their quest to understand the ring’s curses.

The most dangerous one, a curse of bad luck, remained a mystery.

He inhaled and pushed his failures away. “Katarina told me to keep my distance from you because of potential tragedy. Nothing will keep me away. I vow to protect and love you forever.”

Gretta’s grip on his fingers tightened. With her hand remaining in his, he brushed a stray lock of hair off her cheek. She released his fingers and nuzzled into his palm with a tiny sigh. He closed his eyes, content to be back in his own body and time with her.

Yet uneasiness crept deep within and the dreadful feeling of impending tragedy grew stronger with every passing minute.

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Bio

annebcoleAnne B. Cole is a genre bending author who enjoys combining supernatural suspense, time travel, and sweet romance with a touch of magical realism in her books.

Anne lives in Indiana with her husband and three teenage children. She teaches preschool and makes time to run so she can eat ice cream and doughnuts. Anne is currently working on Souls Endure, The Final Book of The Souls Trilogy.

Where to find Anne…

Website | Blog | Twitter | Facebook