Revisiting and Reframing

On Wednesdays, I share posts, fables, songs, poems, quotations, TEDx Talks, cartoons, and books that have inspired and motivated me on my writing journey. I hope these posts will give writers, artists, and other creatives a mid-week boost.

A long-time fan of bestselling authors and coaches Marc and Angel Chernoff, I look forward to reading their emails and blog posts. Here’s an excerpt from a recent post:

Many of the biggest misunderstandings in life could be avoided if we would simply take the time to ask, “What else could this mean?”

And while that question alone can help us reframe our thoughts and broaden our perspectives, using the simple phrase “The story I’m telling myself…” as a prefix to troubling thoughts has undoubtedly created more “aha moments” for our students in recent times. Here’s how it works…

For example, perhaps someone you love (husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.) didn’t call you on their lunch break when they said they would, and now an hour has passed and you’re feeling upset because you’re obviously not a high enough priority to them. When you catch yourself feeling this way, use the phrase:

“The story I’m telling myself is that they didn’t call me simply because I’m not a high enough priority to them.”

Then ask yourself:

1. Can I be absolutely certain this story is true?
2. How do I feel and behave when I tell myself this story?
3. What’s one other possibility that might also make the ending to this story true?

On the average day, I bet your answer to question #1 is “no,” and your answer to #2 is “not very good.” And I hope question #3 gets you doing more of … “I don’t know why they haven’t called yet, but maybe…”

• “…they’re extremely busy at work today and barely had a lunch break.”
• “…there was a misunderstanding and they were waiting for me to call them.”
• “…they forgot due to unforeseen distractions that popped up, but it’s nothing personal.”

“The story I’m telling myself…” and the three related questions gives you a tool for revisiting and reframing the troubling or confusing situations that arise in your daily life. From there you can challenge the stories you’re subconsciously telling yourself and reality-check them with a more objective mindset, which ultimately allows you to make better decisions about everything.

Note: I highly recommend subscribing to Marc & Angel’s website.


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