Clean Jokes for Toastmasters

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Use one of these jokes at your next meeting.

*********************

A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When the pastor asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.

On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pant legs to keep his trousers dry. When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.

“Pull down your pants,” the pastor whispered.

“Uh, Reverend, I’ve changed my mind,” the groom responded. “I think I would prefer the traditional service.”

*********************

In a hot desert country not long ago, a shopkeeper set up his stall. The man sold ties. He had ties of every variety: thin ones, wide ones, ones with stripes, others with polka dots.

On a hot, scorching day, the shopkeeper saw a cloud of dust in the horizon. As the cloud of dust of approached, the shopkeeper saw it was a man stumbling across the desert.

The traveler said, “I’ve been traveling across the desert and I’m dying of thirst. Do you have any water?”

The shopkeeper said, “Sorry, I don’t have any water. I’m out of water, but would you like to buy a tie. I have wide ones, thin ones, stripes and ones with dots.”

“I don’t need a tie. I’m dying of thirst I need water.”

“I don’t have water but there’s a village about a mile away, and I know it has a restaurant.” So, he sends the thirsty man away.

About an hour later the shopkeeper sees another dust cloud on the horizon. It’s the same thirsty man crawling on his hands and knees.

The shopkeeper asks, “Couldn’t you find the restaurant?”

The thirsty man sighs. “The restaurant wouldn’t let me in without a tie.”


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