Clean Jokes for Toastmasters

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Use one of these jokes at your next meeting.

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An IT professional was playing a round of golf. Suddenly his ball sliced and landed in a shallow pond. As he was attempting to retrieve the ball he discovered a frog who, to his great surprise, started to speak! “Kiss me, and I will change into a beautiful princess, and I will be yours for a week.”

He picked up the frog and placed it in his pocket. As he continued to play golf, the frog repeated its message. “Kiss me, and I will change into a beautiful princess, and I will be yours for a whole month!”

The man continued to play his golf game and once again the frog spoke out. “Kiss me, and I will change into a beautiful princess, and I will be yours for a whole year!”

Finally, the guy turned to the frog and exclaimed, “As an IT professional, I’d rather have a talking frog!”

Source: Creekside TD Toastmasters

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An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death’s agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. “Stay out of those, she said, they’re for the funeral!”

Source: Creekside TD Toastmasters


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