Be At Peace Today

On Wednesdays, I share posts, fables, songs, poems, quotations, TEDx Talks, cartoons, and books that have inspired and motivated me on my writing journey. I hope these posts will give writers, artists, and other creatives a mid-week boost.

I receive a daily dose of inspiration from bestselling authors and coaches Marc and Angel Chernoff. Here’s a timely segment from Monday’s email:

The mind is our biggest battleground—you know it’s true. It’s the place where the strongest conflict resides. And with COVID-19 occupying so much of our present attention, we need now more than ever to keep ourselves in check.

In the game of life, we all receive a unique set of unexpected limitations and variables in the field of play. The question is: How will you respond to the hand you’ve been dealt? You can either focus on the lack thereof or empower yourself to play the game sensibly and resourcefully, making the very best of every outcome as it arises, even when it’s heartbreaking and hard to accept.

Obviously, with the COVID-19 virus spreading rapidly right now, we are all facing a hard reality. And while human lives are the primary concern, it is also prudent to consider the impact it may have on your mental health. Truth be told, we occupy an uncertain moment in time, on the cusp of a potentially historic event. It’s important to think of ways to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself.

Remind yourself that when you can’t control what’s happening in the world around you, you must challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. Because that’s where your power is!

Thus, we all have some incredibly important choices to make…

We can choose how we spend our time in the days and weeks ahead. We can choose gratitude and grace. We can choose whom we socialize with—and perhaps more importantly, whom we don’t (social distancing). We can choose to love and appreciate the people in our lives for exactly who they are. We can choose to love and appreciate ourselves, too. We can choose how we’re going to respond to life’s surprises and disappointments (COVID-19 being one of them), and whether we will see them as curses or opportunities for personal growth.

And, perhaps most importantly, we can choose to think better about our present circumstances, and let go of what we can’t control, so we can consciously make the best of what’s ahead of us.

When we THINK BETTER, we LIVE BETTER, and peace becomes us.

Note: I highly recommend subscribing to Marc & Angel’s website.



10 Lessons I Have Learned From Life

I’m happy to welcome author Erin Pemberton. Today, Erin shares ten life lessons and her new release, The Prophecy.

1. Life is hard, don’t make it harder by making stupid decisions. As a teenager, I thought I knew best and I thought I could get away with playing around with no real consequences. I was wrong. Being a teenager is hard, going to college right after high school is not easy either. Being a single parent while finishing high school and then going on to college is even harder. You have your whole life ahead of you, make wise choices.

2. It’s okay to say no. I am one of those types of people who like to help out others despite what I have on my plate. Through many stressed out days and lots of hard lessons, I learned that it’s okay to say no when you already have a lot going on. In fact, when you do, your work will reflect it in the fact that you’re able to give more attention to the things you’re already taking on. They’ll be of better quality and you’ll be happier with the results.

3. Marriage takes two. Through two failed marriages, I realized in my third one, that it really does take two. You have to be willing to put your spouse’s needs ahead of yourself and make them a priority. By both of you doing this, everyone’s needs are met. Even when you have kids, your spouse needs to come first. Because when the kids are all gone, you’ll still have each other. Better to enjoy life with your spouse than to resent life with them.

4. It’s okay to let your kids fail. This is something that I struggle with daily. It’s unnatural for us to let our kids fail. However, how will they learn to live life if you’re constantly taking over for them? Last fall, my son was failing three out of five classes in high school. After trying to put him on a homework schedule, emailing teachers daily, and more screaming matches with my son than I care to admit, I finally looked at him and said, “I have two jobs, a husband, and five kids. I cannot and will not fight with you on this anymore. If you fail these classes, you’ll have to take them again. If you pass, that’s one more step toward your goal of going to Shawnee State. I’ll help when you need it or ask, but otherwise, I’m tapping out. Fail or pass, it’s on you.” By the skin of his teeth, he passed and he’s done so much better this year with keeping up to date on all his assignments. It was a tough lesson for us both.

5. It’s okay to ask for help or to let others lead for a change. As a preschool supervisor, I struggle with feeling like I need to accomplish everything our program needs in order to make it a great program. However, I’m finding that by creating teams and letting others take on leadership roles, it works out so much better for everyone. Not only do we end up with so many more ideas than I could ever dream up, but by sharing the role, I find my stress level goes down considerable and my team members value me more.

6. Take time for you. Whether it’s sitting down and reading a good book, doing yoga, or taking a mini vacation with my spouse, finding me time is critical being able to do as much as I do on any given day. I can recharge, I give myself permission to think of something other than work, and I’m ready to hit it again when I do come back.

7. Hobbies are for you. Something I struggle with as an author is asking other people to read my books. It’s not because I don’t want others to read them, I just don’t like asking what they thought of the book. I find that when I start valuing other’s opinions of my work more than I value my own opinion, my hobby or writing changes. I have a tendency to focus more on what other’s think and how I can make the world happy versus just writing because it’s something that I enjoy doing. When you find a hobby, don’t let anyone tell you how to do it. Make it yours.

8. Don’t let anyone stop you. If there is something that you want to accomplish in life, by all means, get it done! We can come up with a world of excuses, but the truth of the matter is, you’re the only person holding you back. Stop it and get it done!

9. Light will always defeat dark. As I mention in several of my books because they usually have a dark/ light battle going on, the light will always defeat the dark even if you have to search the darkness to find it. Hang on because around every dark corner, there is always light waiting for you.

10. Life without God, is not much of a life. God is the light in my world, my marriages, my parenting, and my work has all failed when I turned from him. By keeping him the center of my life, not only am I happier but I find myself blessed even when things are tough.

Blurb

In a land plagued by war, King Dorvin and Queen Shiara are expecting their first child. They are excited until the good fairies tell of a prophecy; that their daughter is the key to winning the war against the Shadow tribes. To protect her, mages of the kingdom create a tower to keep her and her guardian hidden until her eighteenth birthday. When Ella turns 18 she leaves the tower, only to find that her parents are dead and the Shadow tribes now control the kingdom. Trained as a warrior, and aided by the good fairies, Ella must now bring her subjects together and prepare for the final war.

Excerpt

“If you don’t tell me your name, you’ll find out the hard way,” Ella responded calmly even though butterflies were carrying out their own battle in her stomach. The magic was showing her just how far she could throw him with its use. She was beginning to think of it as a whole separate entity within her mind.

Just as she pulled her arm back in preparation of launching him through the night sky, he shouted “Erek! I’m called Erek.”

Ella, bemused, smiled serenely at him as she placed him none too gently back on the ground. “That wasn’t so hard, now was it?”

Erek mumbled something under his breath but made no attempt to say anything else.

“What are we going to do with him?” Ella asked, turning to look at Tia.

Tia, ignoring Ella’s question, took a step closer to Erek, grabbed the rope that bound him, and pulled him toward her. “What do you mean we’re trespassing on your land? This land belongs to Dorvin, king of Fablina,” she hissed, apparently taking care to spit in his face as she talked.

The ugly smirk appeared on his otherwise handsome face, a mirthless laugh consuming him. “My tribe killed and replaced your king seventeen years ago. This land belongs to the Shadow tribes, and you are as good as dead.”

Add to Goodreads | Buy on Amazon

Author Bio and Links

I’m just a small town girl, living in Ohio and making up worlds for my characters to live in. A preschool teacher by day, I live with my amazing husband while dreaming of walking hand in hand with him on the beach just searching for seashells. Together, we have five incredible kids, who are starting to make their way in this world as they take on college, high school, and elementary school. I love Christmas, the beach, seashells, painting, reading anything fantasy related, and in my very little spare time, creating new worlds for others to enjoy.

Website | Goodreads

Giveaway

Erin Pemberton will be awarding a $25 Amazon/Barnes & Noble gift card to a randomly drawn winner via Rafflecopter during the tour. Enter here.

Follow Erin on the rest of her Goddess Fish tour here.

Karma Brown Visits Kitchener

Yesterday, I attended “An Evening with Karma Brown” at the central branch of the Kitchener Public Library. A National Magazine Award winning journalist, Karma Brown is the best-selling author of Come Away With Me, The Choices We Make, In This Moment, The Life Lucy Knew, and Recipe for a Perfect Wife.

After reading a short excerpt from her latest release, Recipe for a Perfect Wife, Karma participated in an armchair conversation with Toronto-based novelist (and friend) Samantha Bailey.

L-R: Samantha Bailey, Karma Brown

Karma’s first four books have been described as emotional women’s fiction by her editor. These tearjerkers feature women deep in the throes of life challenges. Eventually, they do survive and thrive.

You won’t need a box of Kleenex to read Recipe for a Perfect Wife.

This dual-narrative novel features two distinct characters: Alice Hale, a modern-day woman who leaves a promising career to follow her husband to the suburbs, and Nellie Murdoch, a quintessential 1950s housewife. As Alice cooks her way through Nellie’s recipe book, she discovers many parallels between Nellie’s life and her own.

This novel has been painstakingly researched: Karma watched many Home Economics videos, read through her stepmother’s stack of magazines from the 1950s, and talked to her parents about the language used during the period.

Released less than three months ago, Recipe for a Perfect Wife has been reviewed by the New York Times and made the list of Best Books for 2020. Definitely a must-read!

Interesting facts about Karma Brown…

• Karma writes each morning from 5:00 a.m. to 7:00 a.m. This habit started when her daughter was young and couldn’t sleep or nap. Karma would get up with her daughter and bake, do crafts, and other activities. As her daughter became more independent, Karma started spending more time on her writing.

• At age seventeen, Karma created a Bucket List with 140 items. Writing a novel was one of those items.

• She had hoped to become a TV journalist and anchor. When that wasn’t possible, she turned to magazine writing and then decided to try her hand at writing novels.

• Her favorite authors include Margaret Atwood, Meg Wolitzer, Ann Patchett, and Stephen King.

• Karma wanted to be traditionally published. She wrote three books before finding an agent.

• She is a quick “shelfer.” She prefers to move on rather than linger on a book. While her first two books have been shelved, she has used some of the scenes in her published novels.

• Karma is currently working on a non-fiction project that will be released in 2021. Her next novel will be released in 2022.

Find out more about Karma Brown here.

Lose More to Win More

On Wednesdays, I share posts, fables, songs, poems, quotations, TEDx Talks, cartoons, and books that have inspired and motivated me on my writing journey. I hope these posts will give writers, artists, and other creatives a mid-week boost.

In his new release, You Are Awesome, New York Times bestselling author Neil Pasricha, shares the following secret to his success:

When I was a little kid, my dad bought me The Complete Major League Baseball Statistics, a frayed paperback with a green cover. I treasured it and kept it in my room for years. I flipped through it so many times.

As I paged through the numbers, I started to notice something interesting.

Cy Young had the most wins of all time in baseball (511).

Cy Young had the most losses, too (316).

Nolan Ryan had the most strikeouts (5,714).

Nolan Ryan had the most walks, too (2,795).

Why would the guy with the most wins also have the most losses? Why would the guy with the most strikeouts also have the most walks?

It’s simple.

They just played the most.

They just tried the most.

They just moved through loss the most.

It’s not how many at-bats you take.

The wins pile up when you pile on the number of times you step up to the plate.

Lose more to win more.

Source: You Are Awesome, pp 143-144

Inspired by Sally Armstrong

Yesterday afternoon, I attended “International Women’s Day with Sally Armstrong” at the central branch of the Kitchener Public Library.

This Premiere 85 Queen Event was well-attended by fans (predominantly women) of the award-winning author, journalist, activist, and 2019 Massey Lecturer. Sally holds ten honorary degrees and is a member of the Order of Canada.

In an armchair conversation with Eva Salinas, editor and journalism instructor at Mohawk College, Sally shared anecdotes and insights from her extraordinary journey.

L-R: Eva Salinas, Sally Armstrong

Sally began with the compelling backstory behind the publication of “Eva: Witness for Women” in the Summer 1993 edition of Homemaker’s Magazine.

In 1992, Sally was sent to Sarajevo to write a story about the effects on war on children. While there, she heard rumors about rape camps. She gathered all the facts and returned to Toronto. Determined to get the story out faster than her magazine deadline would permit, Sally passed on the information to a male news editor and waited for the byline to appear. He ignored it.

Seven weeks later, a four-line blurb about gang rape in the Balkans appeared in Newsweek.

Sally and her team at Homemaker’s Magazine decided to do the story. Sally flew back to the region and interviewed Eva Penavic, one of thousands of females who had been brutally gang-raped during the conflict in the former Yugoslavia.

Over the past two decades, Sally has covered stories in conflict zones all over the world. Her eyewitness reports have earned her international acclaim and the Amnesty International Media Award four times over.

While we are not at the finish line, there have been positive changes with respect to gender equality and other human rights issues.

In the past, we relied on public and political will to enact changes (new laws, more shelters, etc.). In recent years, personal will has started to overtake public will. Most of this personal will is coming from young women such as Greta Thunberg (Swedish environmental activist on climate change) and Malala Yousafzai (Pakistani activist for female education).

Another example… In 2011, Sally traveled to Kenya to interview 160 child rape victims, some as young as three, who were suing the government for not protecting them and for failing to uphold the Kenyan constitution’s promise of greater equality for girls and women. In 2013, the High Court ruled in the girls’ favor, ordering the Police Service to conduct prompt and effective investigations into each of the girls’ cases and to comply with human rights standards in all cases of defilement.

Asked how she moves beyond difficult stories, Sally responded: “When I leave these places, their stories play on the back of my eyelids.” Often, she gets to return to the conflict zones and touch base with the women.

Quotable quotes from Sally Armstrong

“It’s not because we know more or we know better. It’s because we’re different. If we’re both at the table, we learn more.”

“We will be happier, healthier, and richer when we have equality.”

“Until you have justice, you can’t move forward.”

“Men need to stand up and say to other men: ‘What you are doing is not okay with me.’
And to women: ‘I’ll walk with you.’”

Sally’s books

Veiled Threat: The Hidden Power of the Women of Afghanistan
The Nine Lives of Charlotte Taylor
Bitter Roots, Tender Shoots: The Uncertain Fate of Afghanistan’s Women
Ascent of Women: A New Age is Dawning for Every Mother’s Daughter
Power Shift: The Longest Revolution


Spotlight on Living Lightly

I’m happy to welcome therapists and authors Kimberly Alexander and Dale Curd. Today, Kimberly and Dale share their new release, Living Lightly.

Blurb

Living Lightly is a daily devotional that offers a year’s worth of opportunities to commune, in the deepest and most beautiful sense of that word, with your self and your life. Partners and therapists, Dale and Kim Curd step through the universal doorways of life and offer us a nudge to slow down and experiences to help return us to our selves. Their personal reflections invoke gentle introspection, and come from their own healing journeys and from being active therapists. Living Lightly invites you to explore how your mind works, understand and express your feelings and be reminded that you are much, much stronger than you realize. Living Lightly is a great way to start or end the day.

Excerpt From July 14, Living Lightly

When we wrote this piece, we imagined all of our self in a beautiful bubble ~ our hopes, needs, feelings, wounds and energy ~ in the bubble, all the time. And others having their bubbles too. Today, imagine feeling safe and wondrous interacting with other bubbles. With love, Kim and Dale.

Withholding or oversharing information can reveal our problem with boundary setting. Healthy boundaries give our sense of ease and peace in life a quantum boost, and in our interactions we learn to focus our energy on managing our own state, rather than trying (impossibly) to manage others’.

In thinking about boundaries, I realize how little I share during times of crisis, when I am focused on the critical decisions and actions that need to be taken. People who are directly able to assist are involved with me very intimately, yet it may take several days, or even longer, before I share what is happening with my friends and family. Because of this I find myself sharing and recounting and reliving the episode after the fact. And others are left to experience, process and resolve the shock, the ups and downs and the resolution of the story in one telling. The whole process feels draining to me—both because I don’t enjoy reliving the experience and because I have to answer questions so that others can fill in the gaps in their knowledge.

My withholding the information in real time has blocked loved ones from sharing in my life and being connected to me. When I’m in crisis mode, I withhold information by default, to control my environment as well as other people. This tendency is rooted in my childhood—adults would pin their emotional needs onto me and I felt unprotected and unable to separate myself from the other. Without healthy boundaries, I am blocked as an adult from experiencing the support and love of others; I am simultaneously on the defensive while I go on offence, patrolling for non-confirming ideas or behaviours. It is exhausting and draining for me and for the people around me. While my withholding behaviour is most evident when I’m in crisis, I always behave this way.

At the other end of the scale are people who overshare, speaking compulsively and repetitively to relieve or soothe themselves without showing any awareness of the other. They shift their state by using the energy of someone who allows their energy to be drawn.

The way through is to practise setting healthy boundaries. For the most part, withholding and oversharing are done unconsciously. By making ourselves aware of our state, we can intentionally empower and enhance ourselves, our relationships and our interactions.

For me, healthy boundaries start with being aware of my own feeling state and being self-responsible for my needs, energy and actions—and seeing all of these create a bubble around me. When I meet another person, they have their own bubble. Healthy boundaries allow us to be together with our own bubbles intact. We can connect and interact, each of us having our unique experience in life, in parallel, free to choose for ourselves. Sounds idyllic, doesn’t it?

Yet not everyone we meet in life is self-aware or self-responsible. Some people open their bubbles and their energy and emotions spill out, looking to flow into another. Or they pull energy away from another to fill themselves up. We can’t manage or control such behav- iours, but we can monitor, care for, advocate for and trust ourselves. In a moment of crisis I can be aware that I am feeling sad or fearful, that my emotions are heightened and that I am tense from lack of sleep and an adrenaline rush, so I can be responsible for my actions. I can let people know this is the state I am in. Ultimately, it is my responsibility, not theirs, to steer myself back towards a healthy, positive state.

Sleeping, eating, resting, getting support, taking breaks, asking for help, surrounding myself with helpful, positive people—these are all ways I use to get myself back. I shift my own bubble.

Mastering our own bubbles is a wonderful way to live. Awareness is the key factor. Instead of assessing others to make ourselves safe, let us first assess our own states and see to our own needs. That way we will be able to be with others, maintaining our energy. Acceptance, empathy, community, forgiveness, peace all become possible when our emotional safety no longer depends upon the other.

Buy Links – Print

Indigo | Amazon (CA) | Amazon (US) | Harper Collins

Buy Links – Digital

Kobo | Amazon (CA) | Amazon (US) | Google | Apple

Kim and Dale have created a much-needed “self-help” guide filled with powerful starting points for each day of the year. I immediately connected with their objective in writing this devotional: “We can remember a time long ago when we felt like we were floating, and we want to feel light again.” The authors start each snippet by identifying an issue and then offering anecdotes, quotations, poetry, and practical strategies. While I read the entire book in two sittings, I plan to revisit many of the reflections throughout 2020 and beyond.

Well done!

About the Authors

Kim Alexander spent twenty years in the tech start-up world, has travelled extensively and considers travel one of her greatest pleasures. In 2014 she completed her training as a therapist, merging her worlds of technology and therapy, by offering clients online video counselling. Kim is a lifelong learner, always engaged in activities and ventures that expand her self-awareness, from writing, raising animals, to listening to horses and trees.

Dale Curd is a mental health professional, the host of CBC TV’s Hello Goodbye and a co-host of Life Story Project on the Oprah Winfrey Network. The creator of an acclaimed Empathetic Listening Method, Dale leads specialized workshops for law enforcement, hospitals and corporations across North America.

Dale and Kim founded The Child Therapy List and The Men’s List, two global, online mental wellness professional directories, to help normalize therapy and end mental health stigma. They created LivingLightlyToday.com as an online community to acknowledge and connect with readers and inspire people to share in their passion for beauty. In 2015 Dale and Kim left city life to live on a historic farm in Muskoka.

http://www.livinglightlytoday.com is a growing online community of souls committed to living fully, exploring new experiences, making new discoveries in our inner and outer landscapes. Dale and Kim are so excited for your images and stories, of beauty and connection. Come join the journey—we are waiting for you!

Social Media Links

Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Manifest “Tiny, Little Miracles” In Your Life

On Wednesdays, I share posts, fables, songs, poems, quotations, TEDx Talks, cartoons, and books that have inspired and motivated me on my writing journey. I hope these posts will give writers, artists, and other creatives a mid-week boost.

In the following segment from a Super Soul Sunday session with Oprah, Michael Beckworth explains how intention can help manifest the kind of life you want to live.


It’s Never Too Late

Welcome to my Second Acts Series!

Today, we have award-winning author Barbara Bettis sharing her multi-act life.

Here’s Barbara!

Thanks for having me today on your wonderful blog, Joanne. I’m sharing a little about my several acts in life, and a bit about my book that’s about to celebrate its First Birthday—For This Knight Only.

Act One

As a recently single mother of two sons and having just graduated with my bachelor’s degree, I was lucky enough—quite serendipitously—to stumble on a job with a daily newspaper in a town near where I’d gone to high school. The lure of small town (less than 6,000) life for growing children sealed and the fact my parents owned a farm near there were enough to seal the deal, so to speak. Didn’t matter that I’d always envisioned writing fiction.

There followed 12 years as reporter/photographer/sometimes editor. Although the town was relatively small, the paper served a large rural area comprising several other communities and schools. I have to admit, I absolutely loved the job, which included ‘stringing’ for the Kansas City papers and the Associated Press.

As my sons approached high school graduation, the intensity of the daily job after a dozen years began to tell. Small town life was a microcosm of city life and the demands could be stressful. I felt a change might be due. But what to do?

The years of newspapering added to my love of reading and made the decision pretty easy. I wanted to teach. So when my second son graduated, I moved to the other end of the state to return to school.

Act Two

Returning to college was a challenge. I had to remember how to write differently. That meant in essay form, with proper introductions and conclusions, and proper paragraphing. None of those one sentence paragraphs! Learning to writing newspaper style had been difficult—I had to give up the academic form and learn a whole new style. Now I had to relearn the academic format—but remember the journalistic format for my journalism classes and for teaching. And no matter how much I lobbied my literature professors, they weren’t favorably disposed to Associated Press style. (That blasted Oxford Comma!)

Two years later, though, I claimed my master’s degree and promptly found a job substituting for an English professor on sabbatical from an area four-year college.

Act Three

Luckily, when that professor returned from sabbatical, I was hired full time for English and journalism. The next several years were wonderful. I loved teaching and I continued to write occasional feature and news stories for area newspapers and magazines. Never thinking I would remarry, I met a great guy with whom I had so much in common. He was a retired newspaper editor and taught journalism at a nearby school. He supported me in a way I’d never experienced before. (He even joined me in some of my classes as I studied for my doctorate.)

Act Four

Much too soon, my husband fell ill and later died. As soon as possible thereafter I took early retirement from teaching, thinking I’d love the ‘life of ease.’ Not!

It wasn’t long before a friend and former student persuaded me to join her critique group. “You need something to do,” she insisted. So in self-defense, I began writing fiction. I’d always loved history, myths, learning about people who’d lived in earlier times. And, yes, some of the earliest tales I can remember reading were children’s stories about King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table. So crafting a medieval book came naturally.

In the past few years I’ve taught English part time at a different local college, and have begun some editing for others. But best of all, I’ve continued to write historical stories about adventure, love, and happily ever after. Best of all, not one of my heroes dies way too early in life.

Any Affirmations or Quotations You Wish to Share?

Three, I think.

The first has been attributed to several people so I’ll just say it: Writing is easy. You just sit down at a typewriter (computer now) and open a vein.

The second is a paraphrase: Trust in God’s timing.

Third, from me: It’s never too late.

Blurb

He’ll do anything for land, even marry her; she’ll do anything for her people, except marry him. If only either had a choice. It’s a marriage only love can save.

Sir Roark will do anything to gain land, even beguile an unwilling lady into marriage. He knows she’s much better off with a man to take control of her besieged castle, to say nothing of her desirable person. But it isn’t long before he discovers that, although her eyes sparkle like sunlight on sea waves, her stubbornness alone could have defeated Saladin.

Lady Alyss is determined to hold her family’s castle, protect her people, and preserve her freedom— until her brother’s dying wish binds her to a stranger. Still, she’ll allow no rugged, over-confident, appealing knight to usurp her authority, even if she must wed him. Especially since he thinks a lady’s duties begin and end with directing servants. Alyss has a few surprises for her new all-too-tempting lord.

But when a common enemy threatens everything, Roark and Alyss face a startling revelation. Without love, neither land nor freedom matters.

Buy Links

Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Barb’s Books to Date

Knights of Destiny Series:

Silverhawk | The Heart of the Phoenix | The Lady of the Forest | For This Knight Only | A Winter Knight

Where to find Barb

Bookbub | Facebook | Twitter | Blog/Website