Effective Coping

On Wednesdays, I share posts, fables, songs, poems, quotations, TEDx Talks, cartoons, and books that have inspired and motivated me on my writing journey. I hope these posts will give writers, artists, and other creatives a mid-week boost.

A long-time fan of bestselling authors and coaches Marc and Angel Chernoff, I look forward to reading their emails and blog posts. Here’s an excerpt from a recent post:

Coping certainly isn’t an easy practice and I’m not suggesting that it is. What I am suggesting is that it’s worth your while. With practice, effective coping allows you to find better ways of managing life’s continuous stream of unexpected and uncontrollable events. For example…

*A task is harder than you expected it to be. — Instead of running from a daunting and overwhelming task, you can accept it and see what it’s like to feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed, and still take action anyway. Writing a book, for example, is daunting and overwhelming, but you can still write one even with those feelings rolling through you

*An interaction with someone you love angers or frustrates you. — Instead of lashing out at a loved one when you’re upset with them, you can sit quietly with your difficult feelings and just be open to what it’s like to feel them. And then, once you’ve had a moment to breathe, you can see what it’s like to deal compassionately with someone you love who you’re also upset with. To try to understand them instead of just judging them at their worst.

*Unhealthy cravings overwhelm you out of nowhere. — You may be inclined to indulge in unhealthy cravings like alcohol and sweets for comfort when you’re feeling stressed out. But you can sit with these feelings and be open to them instead, and then gradually build positive daily rituals for coping in healthier ways — taking walks, meditating, talking with someone about your feelings, and journaling.

*You are forced to deal with a loved one’s death. — When someone you love passes away the loss can seem overwhelming. At that point, it’s incredibly easy to succumb to unhealthy ways of alleviating the pain. But you have to practice doing the opposite — to give yourself compassion, to sit with the powerfully difficult thoughts and feelings you have, and to open your mind to what lies ahead. Gradually it becomes evident that death isn’t just an ending, but also a beginning. Because while you have lost someone special, this ending is also a moment of reinvention. Although deeply sad, their passing forces you to reinvent your life, and in this transition is an opportunity to experience beauty in new, unseen ways and places.

And of course, we’ve merely just scratched the surface of a deep pool of possibilities for effective coping. The key thing to understand is that by learning to internally cope more effectively, you are better equipped to handle anything life throws your way. Because in the end the world is as you are inside — what you think, you see, and you ultimately become.

Note: I highly recommend subscribing to Marc & Angel’s website.

Interview with D. W. Brooks

I’m happy to welcome author D.W. Brooks. Today, she is sharing interesting facts about her creative journey and new release, Homecoming Chaos.

What was your inspiration for this book?

I was part of the inspiration for the main character. I came up with her based on some experiences I had in my life. I am a physician by training. Once I finished my residency in ophthalmology, I went to business school because I realized that I didn’t want to practice medicine for the rest of my life. My family was not very excited about me quitting medicine. I wanted to write a story about that situation. However, I didn’t want to write it right then, and when I got back to it years later, I didn’t want THAT to be the actual story anymore.

I kept the backstory and shifted the story to the fallout after a return home. There was going to be some significant family drama after her return, based on how she left town. I added a murder mystery and a romantic entanglement into the mix. These are the main three elements of Homecoming Chaos.

What is the best part of being an author? The worst?

I enjoy the creative aspects of writing. I enjoy forming a character from scratch or generating a story about the characters I created. It’s fun to figure out plot points and whether what you want to do in the story makes sense or would it strain credulity. I find the process to be very exciting.

The worst part so far has to be the marketing process. It can be difficult to put yourself and your product out for people to make a judgement on. And knowing that judgement is part of the process doesn’t always make it any easier! However you publish your book, at the end of the day, the marketing and promotion responsibility falls on the author. There are so many ways that you can try to get the word out about your book or get your book in the hands of your readers and what works one time may not work the next time. My husband says that you can always spend more money, if you are not careful, on marketing your books. I have to juggle between paid marketing sources and unpaid public relations. It is a lot of work and tends to move slowly.

If you had a superpower, what would it be?

I would want to be able to manipulate time. I would be able to make more time, so I could get more things done. You can also reverse time or move time forward. But, being able to manipulate time also causes you to not be affected by time. I could pick my favorite age (age 33) and remain that age forever. I was the healthiest that I ever was, my kidneys were still functioning normally, and I had muscles. Come to think of it, I would like to freeze fashion at that time too. I really like the clothes that were popular in 2000.

Besides writing and reading, what are some of your hobbies?

Other hobbies that I enjoy are cooking, traveling, and sports.

I have so many cookbooks and cooking magazines. If you saw them, you might expect that I was a stellar cook. But don’t let the shelves of Cooking Light and Bon Appetit magazines fool you. Before we had children, I would spend the weekend cooking for the week, trying out different recipes I found in my magazines; my husband was a willing taste tester. Once I got pregnant, cooking became a necessity and not the enjoyable task it once was. Now I find recipes on special occasions, and I now have three semi-willing taste testers.

I enjoy traveling, but with kids and my health issues, I didn’t get to travel as much as I wanted to in the past. Now that our youngest in 18, we are making a few more plans – like potentially going back to Kenya next summer so our kids can meet some of their family.

And finally, I am a big sports fan: pro and college football, basketball, tennis, the Olympics, and more. This year has already been a sports bonanza for me because my college team was in the college football playoffs, my pro football team overachieved this year, and the Olympics are coming up! With all the sports options plus the WIPs that I want to finish, I have my year mapped out for me!

Any advice for aspiring authors?

Continue to practice your craft because you are still a writer, even if you don’t have anything published. And if you decide to publish, there are many different ways to get that done. Don’t let anyone put you down for picking the path that works for you, but if you decide your chosen path isn’t for you, it is never too late to change. Try to build a community of other authors—many are interested in offering advice or their experience to help you on your journey.

What are you working on next?

For 2024, I am working on two novellas—one that will be a holiday novella—and Book 2 in the Model MD/Chaos series. I have other ideas dancing around in my head, but I am not sure how much I can get written in one year!

Blurb

A dead body in the parking lot of her family’s business, a killer on the loose, and a handsome detective asking a lot of questions…

Jamie Scott’s life fell apart four years ago when she broke off her engagement, turned down a dream job, and went overseas to run away from her life. Now she’s back, but the reunion is not without problems. She arrives home just in time to attend the soiree her mother planned, but she’s not prepared for what she finds—a dead employee in the parking lot.

Detective Nick Marshall is assigned to the murder case at the forensics lab owned by Jamie’s family. He meets the headstrong Jamie, but he has a job to do. And his attraction to her… well, he’s a professional.

Jamie knows the stakes are high. She has to face the past and save her parents’ business while dealing with her family drama and an uncertain future. She also has to deal with Nick, who wants her out of the way of his investigation. But fate keeps throwing them in one another’s paths… and into chaos that they both want to avoid, but neither can seem to escape.

Excerpt

Jamie entered the simply appointed room decorated in blue, white, and seafoam green. The attached bathroom incorporated blue and white colors. Jamie sat on the edge of the bed and looked around the room. Since she never lived here, the room didn’t hold many personal touches, as did Jon’s and Jillian’s rooms. There were plenty of pillows, a complete set of cherry wood bedroom furniture, and a mid- sized flat-screen TV above the chest of drawers. It represented a fitting guest room since she was now a guest—a nervous guest at that. What if her mother verbally eviscerated her again? Could she deal? Jamie realized she was delaying her meeting with her mom for as long as possible. What else could she do to kill time?

She peeked in the closet to see if she had left any clothes behind from four years ago. Unfortunately, she found nothing that would be appropriate for what would be a formal event on Sunday night.

She went into the bathroom and removed her baseball cap to inspect the state of her hair in the mirror. It was fine for a quiet home visit, but not for a dressy affair. Jamie had let her relaxer grow out while she was out of the country. She typically flat-twisted her natural hair to emphasize the wave pattern. Before this trip, she had only washed, conditioned, and air-dried her hair, thinking that she would have some time after her arrival to moisturize and comb it. Now, it was just squashed down by her hat. Ugh. Since she wouldn’t be able to prep before talking to her mother, she would have to atone by looking her best for the party. For such a formal affair, she would have to visit a salon for a trim and style.

There was a knock on the bedroom door. “Come in!” Jamie yelled as she tucked her cap back onto her head and came out of the bathroom. Jon placed her bags inside her door. “Mother is waiting for you downstairs. I’m going to my room to avoid the tearful reunion.” He didn’t live there anymore but still called his childhood room “his room”.

Jamie sighed. Time to woman up. “OK. Let me wash my face, and I’ll be down. Where is she, exactly?” she inquired.

“Still in the study. Good luck.”

Buy Links

Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Apple | Google | Kobo | Autographed Copy

Author Bio and Links

The author is a doctor and editor who lives in Texas with her husband and children. She enjoys trying to stay in shape, sporadically cooking, reading (still), writing, and working on her blog. She is eternally grateful to the woman who donated a kidney to her over 5 years ago and continues to advocate for organ donation as much as she can.

Website | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Giveaway

D.W. Brooks will award a randomly drawn winner a $15 Amazon/Barnes & Noble gift card. Find out more here.

Follow the author on the rest of her Goddess Fish tour here.

The Perfectionism Trap

On Wednesdays, I share posts, fables, songs, poems, quotations, TEDx Talks, cartoons, and books that have inspired and motivated me on my writing journey. I hope these posts will give writers, artists, and other creatives a mid-week boost.

In his recent release, Hidden Potential, organizational psychologist and best-selling author Adam Grant shares the character skills and motivational structures that can help people realize their potential. Here’s a thought-provoking excerpt:

In their quest for flawless results, research suggests that perfectionists tend to get three things wrong. One: they obsess about details that don’t matter. They’re so busy finding the right solution to tiny problems that they lack the discipline to find the right problems to solve. They can’t see the forest for the trees. Two: they avoid unfamiliar situations and difficult tasks that might lead to failure. That leaves them refining a narrow set of existing skills rather than working to develop new ones. Three: they berate themselves for making mistakes, which makes it harder to learn from them. They fail to realize that the purpose of reviewing your mistakes isn’t to shame your past self. It’s to educate your future self.

If perfectionism were a medication, the label would alert us to common side effects. Warning: may cause stunted growth. Perfectionism traps us in a spiral of tunnel vision and error avoidance: it prevents us from seeing larger problems and limits us to mastering increasingly narrow skills.

Even if you don’t consider yourself a perfectionist, you’ve probably experienced those tendencies on tasks that are important to you. On the projects that matter deeply to us, we’ve all felt the urge to keep revising and refining until it’s exactly right. But traveling great distances depends on recognizing that perfection is a mirage—and learning to tolerate the right imperfections.

Source: Hidden Potential by Adam Grant, pp. 67-68

Blurb Blitz: Mamacadabra

I’m happy to welcome author Carrie Monroe O’Keefe. Today, Carrie shares her new release, Mamacadabra.

Blurb

Starting her third year of marriage, Carrie Monroe O’Keefe had already been on the roller coaster of extreme highs and lows of a newly blended family. Thinking she could do a better job of navigating marriage, stepmotherhood, working full time, and all of the things, she embarked on a year of “what if.”

Settling into her role as wife and mom, she tried to find ways to do things better, see things differently, and reframe her thinking to create a better home for her family and to feel more at home herself. With humor, unwavering honesty, vulnerability, and sarcasm, Carrie finds her way through the year and to her true self.

Excerpt

From Chapter: A Real Mom After All

No one can fully prepare you for the journey of being a stepmom. In the early days, I doubted myself daily, suffered from depression, considered divorce, and constantly questioned the meaning and viability of our relationship. My relationship with my little girls that is.

I had to look at the kind of mom I wanted to be and the kind of mom I actually was. Because we only have our little girls half the time, I was consumed with worry about what their life was like when they weren’t with us. However, this only led to me being too uptight, too rigid, and too crabby. When they came home, the worry subsided but then I turned into a crazy mom, constantly trying to have everything work perfectly. Which, obviously, isn’t a thing.

It took a while, but eventually everything just kind of fell into place. I stopped worrying what people thought about how I parent. I stopped caring whether others viewed me as one of the little girls’ moms. Most importantly, I stopped trying to compare myself to someone else. Finally, I decided I was one of their parents and I do, in fact, matter. I’m playing an important part in how these little girls will grow up, how they’ll turn out and who they’ll become. I am one of their moms.

Author Bio and Links

Carrie Monroe O’Keefe started blogging about her life by sharing stories of marriage, stepmotherhood, and how to navigate it all on mamacadabra.com in 2012. People said they loved reading the posts, so she kept writing. In addition to blogging, she released her middle-grade fiction book, The Whole Truth, in 2019.

Carrie lives outside of Minneapolis with her husband, two daughters, and dog Finlay.

Website | Instagram | Barnes & Noble | Amazon

Giveaway

The author will award a $25 Amazon/Barnes & Noble gift card to a randomly drawn commenter. Find out more here.

Follow Carrie on the rest of her Goddess Fish tour here.

Interview with Bernadette Marie

I’m happy to welcome romance author Bernadette Marie. Today, Bernadette shares interesting facts about her creative journey and her new release,
Secret Admirer Pact.

Here’s Bernadette!

What is the best part of being an author? The worst?

The best part of being an author is spinning stories. As a romance author, I love getting to fall in love over and over again. The worst part about being an author is having to be an influencer just to sell your books. I miss the good ole days in 2013 when your book would sell the moment you mentioned it.

Describe your writing space.

The world is my writing space, and I mean that sincerely. I don’t have just one place that I write. I have my laptop and I will, and do travel. I’m not distracted with the happenings around me.

Besides writing and reading, what are some of your hobbies?

I am a third degree black belt in Tang Soo Do, as well as a certified instructor. So, when I’m not writing, or running my publishing company, I’m doing martial arts.

Any advice for aspiring writers?

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Get involved in a writing community. Be willing to learn. And never, ever, stop writing!

What are you working on next?

I currently have two rom coms in the works, as well as a romantic women’s fiction that is 50+.

Blurb

When Will seeks to rekindle a flame with his ex-girlfriend, his best friend Monique reluctantly suggests a plan involving secret admirer notes to divert his ex’s attention. In a surprising turn, Monique finds herself infatuated with her new boss, prompting Will to reciprocate with anonymous tokens of affection. However, as the deceptive game unfolds, both Monique and Will come to realize that the heartfelt sentiments expressed in the secret admirer notes were their own true feelings. So, what happens if the plan works? What happens if it doesn’t?

Excerpt

First, I need coffee. I push back from my desk and pick up my coffee cup. The coffee in it is cold, so I head out of my office to refill it. As I turn the corner to the break room, I wave at Val who catches my attention, and then I crash into a hard body. Coffee splashes up and out of my cup. It’s cold against my chest as it soaks through my blouse. But there are drops of hot coffee too, and I notice as my new boss jumps back. He’s holding his coffee mug out to the side, but wincing because his hand is covered in hot liquid.

“Oh my god!” I shout as our bodies separate.

My blouse is soaked. His tie and shirt are wet as well, and there’s coffee on his suit jacket.

“I’m so sorry,” he says as he turns back into the break room. He sets his coffee on the counter, turns on the cold water at the sink, and runs his hand under it.

“Are you hurt?” I ask, following him.

“Stings a little. I’m okay,” he says turning off the water and examining his hand.

I set down my mug and reach for the roll of paper towel at the same time he does. Our hands actually slap together, and we each jump back.
I’m not sure which one of us laughed first, because from there, it just became more funny.

Buy Links

Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Smashwords

Author Bio and Links

Bestselling Author Bernadette Marie writes contemporary romances and believes in Happily Ever After. The married mother of five believes in love at first sight, quick love, and second chances. An avid martial artist, Bernadette Marie is a certified instructor and holds a third degree black belt in Tang Soo Do. She loves Tai Chi, traveling to Disney parks, and having lunch with friends. When not writing, or running her own publishing house, Bernadette is probably immersed in a Rom Com, from which she will often quote one-liners.

Facebook | Instagram | TikTok | Website | 5 Prince Books | Email

Giveaway

Bernadette Marie will be awarding a $25 Amazon or Barnes and Noble gift card to a randomly drawn winner via Rafflecopter during the tour. Find out more here.

Follow Bernadette on the rest of her Goddess Fish tour here.

Excerpt Tour: If the Duke Dares

I’m happy to welcome USA Today bestselling author Darcy Burke. Today, Darcy shares her new release, If the Duke Dares.

Blurb

Incorrigible flirt Acton Loxley, Duke of Wellesbourne is in need of a duchess. En route to greet a potential bride, he encounters a most intriguing and captivating widow who completely distracts him from his task. However, she disappears before he can deepen their acquaintance. Acton begrudgingly goes to meet his bride, unaware she and the widow are one and the same.

When Persephone Barclay’s younger sister is compromised, Persephone must wed before the scandal spreads. Her parents scramble to present her to the Duke of Wellesbourne; except he’s precisely the kind of rogue she has now vowed to avoid. Taking flight to avoid a match, Persephone runs straight into her would-be betrothed and pretends to be someone else. But dash it all, the duke proves to be irresistibly charming! If she remains in his company, she’ll end up in the wicked scoundrel’s clutches.

Even worse, her second attempt at escape lands her in increasingly poor circumstances. With nowhere to turn and her safety at risk, she may have to accept help from the one man who threatens her resolve—and her reputation.

Excerpt

Because she hadn’t been paying attention and had arrived at the corner of the High Street, she smacked directly into someone else.

“Careful there.” Hands gently clasped her upper arms to hold her steady.

That voice…

Persephone snapped her head up and gasped. It couldn’t be. Why was he here?

His dark brown eyes fixed on her, and the edge of his mouth ticked up. “I know you,” he said, smiling more widely.

And she knew him—the bloody Duke of Wellesbourne.

“You do not,” she said sharply, pulling away from his grasp.

“But I do, Miss Barclay.”

Persephone gasped even louder, then slapped her hand to her gaping mouth. How on earth did he know who she was? And why wasn’t he at Loxley Court meeting her parents?

“We’ve much to discuss,” he said, one of his dark brows arching with…was that amusement? Of course he would find her situation a matter of humor.

“We’ve nothing to discuss. Please excuse me.” Heart thundering, Persephone tried to move past him.

The duke gripped her forearm—not painfully, but firmly.

Swinging around to face him, Persephone glared at his hand and then at his face with its superior I am a duke, and you will do as I say expression.

His eyes narrowed, and he didn’t let go, despite her trying to pull her arm away. “You’ve a great many things to explain, Miss Barclay. And I am not letting you leave until you do.”

Buy Links

Amazon | Apple | Barnes & Noble | Google Play | Kobo

Author Bio and Links

Darcy Burke is the USA Today Bestselling Author of over sixty captivating, compelling historical and contemporary romance. Darcy wrote her first book at age 11, a happily ever after about a swan addicted to magic and the female swan who loved him, with exceedingly poor illustrations. Her novels have been translated into five languages and are also available as audio books. Join her Reader Club at https://www.darcyburke.com/join.

A native Oregonian, Darcy lives on the edge of wine country with her guitar-strumming, teacher husband, artist daughter, and writer (yes!) son. They’re a crazy cat family with two Bengal cats, a small, fame-seeking cat named after a fruit, a rescue Maine Coon with attitude to spare, an adorable former stray who wandered onto their deck and into their hearts, and two bonded boys who used to belong to (separate) neighbors but chose them instead. You can find Darcy in her comfy writing chair, folding laundry (which she loves), or enjoying game night with the family.

Author Website | Duke Dares Website | Facebook | Instagram | Pinterest

Giveaway

Darcy Burke will award a $25 Amazon/Barnes & Noble gift card + swag to a randomly drawn winner (swag US/Canada only). Find out more here.

Follow Darcy on the rest of her Goddess Fish tour here.

How to Recover Quickly

On Wednesdays, I share posts, fables, songs, poems, quotations, TEDx Talks, cartoons, and books that have inspired and motivated me on my writing journey. I hope these posts will give writers, artists, and other creatives a mid-week boost.

In his best-selling book Atomic Habits, James Clear shares practical strategies for habit formation. Here’s an excerpt from the “Make It Satisfying” section of the book:

No matter how consistent you are with your habits, it is inevitable that life will interrupt you at some point. Perfection is not possible. Before long, an emergency will pop up—you get sick or you have to travel for work or your family needs a little more of your time.

Whenever this happens to me, I try to remind myself of a simple rule: never miss twice.

If I miss one day, I try to get back into it as quickly as possible. Missing one workout happens, but I’m not going to miss two in a row. Maybe I’ll eat an entire pizza, but I’ll follow it up with a healthy meal. I can’t be perfect, but I can avoid a second lapse. As soon as one streak ends, I get started on the next one.

The first mistake is never the one that ruins you. It is the spiral of repeated mistakes that follows. Missing once is an accident. Missing twice is the start of a new habit.

This is a distinguishing feature between winners and losers. Anyone can have a bad performance, a bad workout, or a bad day at work. But when successful people fail, they rebound quickly. The breaking of a habit doesn’t matter if the reclaiming of it is fast.

I think this principle is so important that I’ll stick to it even if I can’t do a habit as well or as completely as I would like. Too often, we fall into an all-or-nothing cycle with our habits. The problem is not slipping up; the problem is thinking that if you can’t do something perfectly, then you shouldn’t do it at all.

Source: Atomic Habits by James Clear, pp. 200-201.

Inspired by Two Francescas

In June of 1995, I sat with eyes glued to the big screen as Meryl Streep assumed the role of Francesca Johnson, an Italian war bride, in the romantic drama The Bridges of Madison County. Based on the best-selling novel by Robert James Waller, the film focuses on a four-day love affair between two middle-aged lovers, Francesca and Robert Kincaid, a National Geographic photojournalist brilliantly played by Clint Eastwood.

Having spent years in a passionless marriage, Francesca falls deeply in love with Robert. She contemplates leaving her loyal husband and teenage children.

Continue reading on the Soul Mate Authors blog.