The Perfectionism Trap

On Wednesdays, I share posts, fables, songs, poems, quotations, TEDx Talks, cartoons, and books that have inspired and motivated me on my writing journey. I hope these posts will give writers, artists, and other creatives a mid-week boost.

In his recent release, Hidden Potential, organizational psychologist and best-selling author Adam Grant shares the character skills and motivational structures that can help people realize their potential. Here’s a thought-provoking excerpt:

In their quest for flawless results, research suggests that perfectionists tend to get three things wrong. One: they obsess about details that don’t matter. They’re so busy finding the right solution to tiny problems that they lack the discipline to find the right problems to solve. They can’t see the forest for the trees. Two: they avoid unfamiliar situations and difficult tasks that might lead to failure. That leaves them refining a narrow set of existing skills rather than working to develop new ones. Three: they berate themselves for making mistakes, which makes it harder to learn from them. They fail to realize that the purpose of reviewing your mistakes isn’t to shame your past self. It’s to educate your future self.

If perfectionism were a medication, the label would alert us to common side effects. Warning: may cause stunted growth. Perfectionism traps us in a spiral of tunnel vision and error avoidance: it prevents us from seeing larger problems and limits us to mastering increasingly narrow skills.

Even if you don’t consider yourself a perfectionist, you’ve probably experienced those tendencies on tasks that are important to you. On the projects that matter deeply to us, we’ve all felt the urge to keep revising and refining until it’s exactly right. But traveling great distances depends on recognizing that perfection is a mirage—and learning to tolerate the right imperfections.

Source: Hidden Potential by Adam Grant, pp. 67-68

Blurb Blitz: Mamacadabra

I’m happy to welcome author Carrie Monroe O’Keefe. Today, Carrie shares her new release, Mamacadabra.

Blurb

Starting her third year of marriage, Carrie Monroe O’Keefe had already been on the roller coaster of extreme highs and lows of a newly blended family. Thinking she could do a better job of navigating marriage, stepmotherhood, working full time, and all of the things, she embarked on a year of “what if.”

Settling into her role as wife and mom, she tried to find ways to do things better, see things differently, and reframe her thinking to create a better home for her family and to feel more at home herself. With humor, unwavering honesty, vulnerability, and sarcasm, Carrie finds her way through the year and to her true self.

Excerpt

From Chapter: A Real Mom After All

No one can fully prepare you for the journey of being a stepmom. In the early days, I doubted myself daily, suffered from depression, considered divorce, and constantly questioned the meaning and viability of our relationship. My relationship with my little girls that is.

I had to look at the kind of mom I wanted to be and the kind of mom I actually was. Because we only have our little girls half the time, I was consumed with worry about what their life was like when they weren’t with us. However, this only led to me being too uptight, too rigid, and too crabby. When they came home, the worry subsided but then I turned into a crazy mom, constantly trying to have everything work perfectly. Which, obviously, isn’t a thing.

It took a while, but eventually everything just kind of fell into place. I stopped worrying what people thought about how I parent. I stopped caring whether others viewed me as one of the little girls’ moms. Most importantly, I stopped trying to compare myself to someone else. Finally, I decided I was one of their parents and I do, in fact, matter. I’m playing an important part in how these little girls will grow up, how they’ll turn out and who they’ll become. I am one of their moms.

Author Bio and Links

Carrie Monroe O’Keefe started blogging about her life by sharing stories of marriage, stepmotherhood, and how to navigate it all on mamacadabra.com in 2012. People said they loved reading the posts, so she kept writing. In addition to blogging, she released her middle-grade fiction book, The Whole Truth, in 2019.

Carrie lives outside of Minneapolis with her husband, two daughters, and dog Finlay.

Website | Instagram | Barnes & Noble | Amazon

Giveaway

The author will award a $25 Amazon/Barnes & Noble gift card to a randomly drawn commenter. Find out more here.

Follow Carrie on the rest of her Goddess Fish tour here.

Interview with Bernadette Marie

I’m happy to welcome romance author Bernadette Marie. Today, Bernadette shares interesting facts about her creative journey and her new release,
Secret Admirer Pact.

Here’s Bernadette!

What is the best part of being an author? The worst?

The best part of being an author is spinning stories. As a romance author, I love getting to fall in love over and over again. The worst part about being an author is having to be an influencer just to sell your books. I miss the good ole days in 2013 when your book would sell the moment you mentioned it.

Describe your writing space.

The world is my writing space, and I mean that sincerely. I don’t have just one place that I write. I have my laptop and I will, and do travel. I’m not distracted with the happenings around me.

Besides writing and reading, what are some of your hobbies?

I am a third degree black belt in Tang Soo Do, as well as a certified instructor. So, when I’m not writing, or running my publishing company, I’m doing martial arts.

Any advice for aspiring writers?

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Get involved in a writing community. Be willing to learn. And never, ever, stop writing!

What are you working on next?

I currently have two rom coms in the works, as well as a romantic women’s fiction that is 50+.

Blurb

When Will seeks to rekindle a flame with his ex-girlfriend, his best friend Monique reluctantly suggests a plan involving secret admirer notes to divert his ex’s attention. In a surprising turn, Monique finds herself infatuated with her new boss, prompting Will to reciprocate with anonymous tokens of affection. However, as the deceptive game unfolds, both Monique and Will come to realize that the heartfelt sentiments expressed in the secret admirer notes were their own true feelings. So, what happens if the plan works? What happens if it doesn’t?

Excerpt

First, I need coffee. I push back from my desk and pick up my coffee cup. The coffee in it is cold, so I head out of my office to refill it. As I turn the corner to the break room, I wave at Val who catches my attention, and then I crash into a hard body. Coffee splashes up and out of my cup. It’s cold against my chest as it soaks through my blouse. But there are drops of hot coffee too, and I notice as my new boss jumps back. He’s holding his coffee mug out to the side, but wincing because his hand is covered in hot liquid.

“Oh my god!” I shout as our bodies separate.

My blouse is soaked. His tie and shirt are wet as well, and there’s coffee on his suit jacket.

“I’m so sorry,” he says as he turns back into the break room. He sets his coffee on the counter, turns on the cold water at the sink, and runs his hand under it.

“Are you hurt?” I ask, following him.

“Stings a little. I’m okay,” he says turning off the water and examining his hand.

I set down my mug and reach for the roll of paper towel at the same time he does. Our hands actually slap together, and we each jump back.
I’m not sure which one of us laughed first, because from there, it just became more funny.

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Author Bio and Links

Bestselling Author Bernadette Marie writes contemporary romances and believes in Happily Ever After. The married mother of five believes in love at first sight, quick love, and second chances. An avid martial artist, Bernadette Marie is a certified instructor and holds a third degree black belt in Tang Soo Do. She loves Tai Chi, traveling to Disney parks, and having lunch with friends. When not writing, or running her own publishing house, Bernadette is probably immersed in a Rom Com, from which she will often quote one-liners.

Facebook | Instagram | TikTok | Website | 5 Prince Books | Email

Giveaway

Bernadette Marie will be awarding a $25 Amazon or Barnes and Noble gift card to a randomly drawn winner via Rafflecopter during the tour. Find out more here.

Follow Bernadette on the rest of her Goddess Fish tour here.

Excerpt Tour: If the Duke Dares

I’m happy to welcome USA Today bestselling author Darcy Burke. Today, Darcy shares her new release, If the Duke Dares.

Blurb

Incorrigible flirt Acton Loxley, Duke of Wellesbourne is in need of a duchess. En route to greet a potential bride, he encounters a most intriguing and captivating widow who completely distracts him from his task. However, she disappears before he can deepen their acquaintance. Acton begrudgingly goes to meet his bride, unaware she and the widow are one and the same.

When Persephone Barclay’s younger sister is compromised, Persephone must wed before the scandal spreads. Her parents scramble to present her to the Duke of Wellesbourne; except he’s precisely the kind of rogue she has now vowed to avoid. Taking flight to avoid a match, Persephone runs straight into her would-be betrothed and pretends to be someone else. But dash it all, the duke proves to be irresistibly charming! If she remains in his company, she’ll end up in the wicked scoundrel’s clutches.

Even worse, her second attempt at escape lands her in increasingly poor circumstances. With nowhere to turn and her safety at risk, she may have to accept help from the one man who threatens her resolve—and her reputation.

Excerpt

Because she hadn’t been paying attention and had arrived at the corner of the High Street, she smacked directly into someone else.

“Careful there.” Hands gently clasped her upper arms to hold her steady.

That voice…

Persephone snapped her head up and gasped. It couldn’t be. Why was he here?

His dark brown eyes fixed on her, and the edge of his mouth ticked up. “I know you,” he said, smiling more widely.

And she knew him—the bloody Duke of Wellesbourne.

“You do not,” she said sharply, pulling away from his grasp.

“But I do, Miss Barclay.”

Persephone gasped even louder, then slapped her hand to her gaping mouth. How on earth did he know who she was? And why wasn’t he at Loxley Court meeting her parents?

“We’ve much to discuss,” he said, one of his dark brows arching with…was that amusement? Of course he would find her situation a matter of humor.

“We’ve nothing to discuss. Please excuse me.” Heart thundering, Persephone tried to move past him.

The duke gripped her forearm—not painfully, but firmly.

Swinging around to face him, Persephone glared at his hand and then at his face with its superior I am a duke, and you will do as I say expression.

His eyes narrowed, and he didn’t let go, despite her trying to pull her arm away. “You’ve a great many things to explain, Miss Barclay. And I am not letting you leave until you do.”

Buy Links

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Author Bio and Links

Darcy Burke is the USA Today Bestselling Author of over sixty captivating, compelling historical and contemporary romance. Darcy wrote her first book at age 11, a happily ever after about a swan addicted to magic and the female swan who loved him, with exceedingly poor illustrations. Her novels have been translated into five languages and are also available as audio books. Join her Reader Club at https://www.darcyburke.com/join.

A native Oregonian, Darcy lives on the edge of wine country with her guitar-strumming, teacher husband, artist daughter, and writer (yes!) son. They’re a crazy cat family with two Bengal cats, a small, fame-seeking cat named after a fruit, a rescue Maine Coon with attitude to spare, an adorable former stray who wandered onto their deck and into their hearts, and two bonded boys who used to belong to (separate) neighbors but chose them instead. You can find Darcy in her comfy writing chair, folding laundry (which she loves), or enjoying game night with the family.

Author Website | Duke Dares Website | Facebook | Instagram | Pinterest

Giveaway

Darcy Burke will award a $25 Amazon/Barnes & Noble gift card + swag to a randomly drawn winner (swag US/Canada only). Find out more here.

Follow Darcy on the rest of her Goddess Fish tour here.

How to Recover Quickly

On Wednesdays, I share posts, fables, songs, poems, quotations, TEDx Talks, cartoons, and books that have inspired and motivated me on my writing journey. I hope these posts will give writers, artists, and other creatives a mid-week boost.

In his best-selling book Atomic Habits, James Clear shares practical strategies for habit formation. Here’s an excerpt from the “Make It Satisfying” section of the book:

No matter how consistent you are with your habits, it is inevitable that life will interrupt you at some point. Perfection is not possible. Before long, an emergency will pop up—you get sick or you have to travel for work or your family needs a little more of your time.

Whenever this happens to me, I try to remind myself of a simple rule: never miss twice.

If I miss one day, I try to get back into it as quickly as possible. Missing one workout happens, but I’m not going to miss two in a row. Maybe I’ll eat an entire pizza, but I’ll follow it up with a healthy meal. I can’t be perfect, but I can avoid a second lapse. As soon as one streak ends, I get started on the next one.

The first mistake is never the one that ruins you. It is the spiral of repeated mistakes that follows. Missing once is an accident. Missing twice is the start of a new habit.

This is a distinguishing feature between winners and losers. Anyone can have a bad performance, a bad workout, or a bad day at work. But when successful people fail, they rebound quickly. The breaking of a habit doesn’t matter if the reclaiming of it is fast.

I think this principle is so important that I’ll stick to it even if I can’t do a habit as well or as completely as I would like. Too often, we fall into an all-or-nothing cycle with our habits. The problem is not slipping up; the problem is thinking that if you can’t do something perfectly, then you shouldn’t do it at all.

Source: Atomic Habits by James Clear, pp. 200-201.

Inspired by Two Francescas

In June of 1995, I sat with eyes glued to the big screen as Meryl Streep assumed the role of Francesca Johnson, an Italian war bride, in the romantic drama The Bridges of Madison County. Based on the best-selling novel by Robert James Waller, the film focuses on a four-day love affair between two middle-aged lovers, Francesca and Robert Kincaid, a National Geographic photojournalist brilliantly played by Clint Eastwood.

Having spent years in a passionless marriage, Francesca falls deeply in love with Robert. She contemplates leaving her loyal husband and teenage children.

Continue reading on the Soul Mate Authors blog.

Write Your Way Whole

On Wednesdays, I share posts, fables, songs, poems, quotations, TEDx Talks, cartoons, and books that have inspired and motivated me on my writing journey. I hope these posts will give writers, artists, and other creatives a mid-week boost.

In a recent post on Writers Unboxed, author and coach Kathleen McCleary shared excellent advice for dealing with writer’s block. Here’s an excerpt from that post:

Charles Dickens started writing an autobiography when he was 33 and already famous for writing Oliver Twist and A Christmas Carol. He found writing truthfully about the dark years of his childhood to be so painful that he abandoned his autobiography and instead, at 37, started writing David Copperfield. In it he explored all the memories that were too much to process in reality: working in a factory as a child while his father was in prison, attending school with a sadistic headmaster, his relationship with his wife. It was his favorite of all his books.

Nora Ephron wrote her first novel, Heartburn, after discovering that her husband was cheating on her while she was pregnant with their second child. The main character at one point says she tells stories “Because if I tell the story, I control the version. Because if I tell the story, I can make you laugh, and I would rather have you laugh at me than feel sorry for me. Because if I tell the story, it doesn’t hurt as much. Because if I tell the story, I can get on with it.”

So, what are some ways to write yourself whole? You know better than I do, but here are a few ways to get started:

◆ Write the childhood you wish you’d had.

◆ Write the thing you wish you’d said.

◆ Write the ending you wanted or want for your marriage, career, friendship, life.

◆ Write who you’d be if you’d chosen to take that flight to San Francisco for a job instead of staying in D.C., or whatever that pivotal life decision was.

◆ Write who you’d be if you’d said “yes” instead of “no.”

◆ Write the Band-aid for the hole in your heart and psyche that haunt you.

◆ Write your secret. Write your deepest longing. Write your starkest truth.

◆ Write in a different voice than you’ve ever written before.

Do this not in journals or memoir but in fiction, in telling stories that give you the distance to have a better understanding of and more compassion for the person experiencing those things, making those choices, failing and flailing.

The English critic G. K. Chesterton wrote about his experience of reading David Copperfield, “[Dickens] has created creatures who cling to us and tyrannize over us, creatures whom we would not forget if we could, creatures whom we could not forget if we would, creatures who are more actual than the man who made them.” In other words, creatures who are whole, who restore us, the readers to wholeness, as well as the author who created them. I’d say that’s a pretty fine thing to do.

Source: Writer Unboxed

10 Interesting Questions About Justice in New France, 1734

I’m happy to welcome author donalee Moulton. Today, donalee shares her new release, Conflagration! and addresses interesting questions about justice in New France in 1734.

Here’s donalee!

My latest mystery book took me back in time and out of my comfort zone. Conflagration! is a historical mystery set in Montreal in 1734. It raises issues about slavery in Canada – and introduces us to a justice system that is distinctly different from 2024.

I posed 10 questions to the book’s main character Philippe Archambeau, a court clerk assigned specifically to document the case of Marie-Joseph Angélique almost three centuries ago. Here are his answers. (Hint: You can also find them in the book.)

Are lawyers a cornerstone of the justice system in New France?

Witnesses are a cornerstone of the French judicial system. We do this without lawyers. We do not allow lawyers to practice in New France. We are not English.

Is evidence critical to a conviction?

I turned to the Criminal Ordinance of 1670 and other legal documents for this question. It does not take me long to find what I am looking for. Rumor alone constitutes legal grounds for accusing, arresting, and convicting an individual.

Does the accused get to face their accusers?

Confrontation is part of the judicial process. It enables the accused to deny accusations directly. It gives witnesses the opportunity to rethink, perhaps to revise, their earlier testimony.

Is torture an acceptable punishment?

The Criminal Ordinance permits torture for serious crimes. There are reasons for this. Torture can help extract a confession. This is important to get to the truth of a matter. There is also the issue of accomplices. Torture can help to draw out names that would otherwise die on an accused’s lips.

What are brodequins?

The brodequins are very effective. Misleadingly and accurately called laced boots or tight boots, this particular form of torture involves packing a person’s legs between narrow boards tightly bound. Wooden wedges are then pounded between board and human flesh. Bone breaks. Boards do not.

Are individuals presumed innocent until proven guilty?

French law says all accused are presumed guilty. The accused must prove their innocence.

What is the punishment for a capital crime like arson?

The punishment: death, torture, or banishment. Or some combination of those. Being found guilty will mean an end to the life someone knows regardless of the punishment.

What is the Code Noir?

The Code Noir explicitly states how slaves are to be treated in New France. It discusses punishment and freedom of movement, or more accurately, lack of movement. The Code also requires all slaves convert to Catholicism. It is an owner’s responsibility to ensure this happens. Sooner rather than later.

Is there an appeal process?

Mais oui! The appeal judgment would be rendered by the Conseil Supérieur in Québec. It is the foremost judicial body in New France. Their decision will be final.

Does Montreal have its own prison? Is there a jailer?

There is a prison, of course. It is attached to the courthouse – and it is where the jailer lives.

Blurb

On a warm spring day in April 1734, a fire raged through the merchants’ quarter in Montréal. When the flames finally died, 46 buildings – including the Hôtel-Dieu convent and hospital – had been destroyed. Within hours, rumors ran rampant that Marie-Joseph Angélique, an enslaved Black woman fighting for her freedom, had started the fire with her white lover. Less than a day later, Angélique sat in prison, her lover nowhere to be found. Though she denied the charges, witnesses claimed Angélique was the arsonist even though no one saw her set the fire.

Philippe Archambeau, a court clerk assigned specifically to document her case, believes Angelique might just be telling the truth. Or not. A reticent servant, a boisterous jailer, and three fire-scorched shingles prove indispensable in his quest to uncover what really happened.

Angélique’s time is running out as Archambeau searches for answers. Will the determined court clerk discover what really happened the night Montreal burned to the ground before it’s too late?

Excerpt

Chapter 6

Accused

Wednesday, April 14, 1734

Today I will focus on the de Franchevilles. Madame will play a key role in the trial. She accused Angélique of arson shortly after the fire started and before the town crier made the accusation public. There is a reason for her assurance, and it will come out in her testimony although it is clear this belief about Angélique’s guilt and Madame’s animosity are rooted in the relationship between owner and slave.

I would like to know more about that relationship, and I will start by learning more about the slave owner. As always, there are many documents to help me in my quest.

Thérèse de Couagne was born on January 19, 1697, in Montréal. This is her home. She belongs here. I wonder if that makes the loss of her house now all the more heart wrenching. As I read, I discover Madame de Francheville has suffered more losses in her life than wood and stone.

The first great loss was likely her father, Charles de Couagne, who died in 1706. Thérèse de Couagne would only have been nine years old, a child. Admittedly, a child of wealth. Charles de Couagne had been one of the richest merchants in Montréal. His daughter would have grown up in the lap of luxury, and in 1718, when she was twenty-one, she married François Poulin de Francheville an ambitious young merchant. Her dowry was 2,500 livres.

They would be married for fifteen years. The ambitious young merchant Thérèse de Couagne wed was a very wealthy man in his own right when he died in 1733. I check the death records. No cause of death is given, but we have been ravaged by pox in New France. No one is immune.

I am sure her husband’s death devastated Madame de Francheville, but as I read through the records of her life I wonder if there wasn’t a greater devastation. The de Franchevilles had a child. The child died after only a few weeks. I sit and stare at the record of death. I know, in part, this numbness I feel is because I am about to become a father. Madeleine will shortly give birth. I continue to stare at the record of death.

The child’s name was Marie-Angélique.

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