Clean Jokes for Toastmasters


Use one of these jokes at your next meeting.


The church’s electricity failed just as I began my Christmas Eve service, so the ushers and I lit some candles. I then re-entered the pulpit, shuffled my notes and muttered, “Now where was I?”

A tired voice called out, “Right near the end.”

Source: Rev. Douglas C. Woods


Inebriated and in no shape to drive, Peter decided to leave his van in the parking lot and walk home on New Year’s Eve.

As he wobbled along, a policeman stopped him and asked, “What are you doing here at four o’clock in the morning?”

“I’m on my way to a lecture,” Peter answered.

“Who on earth would give a lecture at this time of night?” asked the constable.

“My wife,” slurred Peter.



After my husband and I purchased an old home from two elderly sisters, I became concerned about the house’s lack of insulation.

“If they could live here all those years, so can we!” my husband declared.

One early winter night, the temperature plunged below zero, and we woke up to find the interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they kept the house warm. After a brief conversation, he hung up.

“For the past thirty years,” he muttered, “they’ve gone to Florida for the winter.”

Source: Linda Dobson


2 responses to “Clean Jokes for Toastmasters

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