Clean Jokes for Toastmasters


Use one of these jokes at your next meeting.


A couple is getting ready for bed after a long day’s work.

“I look in the mirror and I see an old man,” the husband said. “My face is wrinkly and I’m sagging all over. And look at the size of my gut.”

The wife was silent.

“Hey!” he says, turned to her. “Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.”

“Well, honey,” she said, “your eyesight is still good.”

Source: Jeffrey Raiffe


Toward the end of the graveside service, there was a massive clap of thunder followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning and then even more thunder rumbling in the distance.

The old man looked at the Pastor and calmly said, “Well, she’s there.”

Source: St. Joseph Church Bulletin


After my stepfather was involved in a minor fender-bender, he accidentally inverted two of the digits while dialing the garage’s number and called the local church instead.

“Do you fix bodies?” he asked.

“No,” came the reply. “We save souls.”

Source: Paul Park


A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit.

“Why are you doing that?” asked the keeper.

“The sign says it’s okay,” replied the visitor.

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Yes, it does. It says,’Do not feed. $10 fine.”

Source: John Langley


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