Clean Jokes for Toastmasters


Share one of these jokes at your next Toastmaster meeting.


A priest parked his car in a no-parking zone because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter. He put the following note under the windshield wiper: “I have circled the block 100 times. If i don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES.”

When the priest returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note: “I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION.”

Source: St. Joseph’s Church Bulletin


After correcting a set of class papers, the teacher remarked to a particular student, “I just can’t understand how one person can make so many mistakes on his work.”

The student thought for a bit and then commented, “It wasn’t just one person. My dad helped with the assignment.”


An elderly lady zoomed past a  state trooper who was cruising along at a nominal speed. He gave chase, and after he had brought her to a stop, he asked for her driver’s license.

The woman looked at him sharply. “Young man,” she said.  “How can I be expected to show you my driver’s license when you people keep taking it away?”


An adolescent was discussing report cards. “No wonder Jean always gets an A in French,” she observed. “Her mother and father  speak French at the table.”

“If that’s the case,” her boyfriend said. “I ought to get an A in geometry. My parents talk in circles!”


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