Clean Jokes for Toastmasters

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Share one of these jokes with your fellow toastmasters…

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A student went to his meditation teacher and said, “My meditation is horrible! I feel so distracted, or my legs ache, or I’m constantly falling asleep. It’s just horrible!”

“It will pass,” the teacher said matter-of-factly.

A week later, the student came back to his teacher. “My meditation is wonderful! I feel so aware, so peaceful, so alive! It’s just wonderful!”

“It will pass,” the teacher replied matter-of-factly.

Source: http://www.swamij.com/jokes.htm

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A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, “The end is near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” and showed it to each passing car.

One driver who drove by didn’t appreciate the sign and shouted at them, “Leave us alone, you religious nuts!”

All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, “You think maybe we should have just said ‘Bridge Out’ instead?”

Source: http://www.swamij.com/jokes.htm

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When Morty hit fifty, he decided to change his lifestyle completely so that he could live longer. He quit smoking, went on a diet and took sunbaths. A friend suggested the 30-day Bikram Challenge, which Morty enthusiastically turned into a 90-day challenge, amazing his friends.

In just three months, he lost 30 pounds, reduced his waist by six inches and expanded his chest by five inches. Svelte and tan, he decided to top it all off with a sporty new haircut. Afterward, while stepping out of the barbershop, he was hit by a bus.

As he lay dying, he cried out, “God, how could you do this to me?”

And a voice from the heavens responded, “To tell you the truth, Morty, I didn’t recognize you.”

Source: Edward Staskus

 

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5 responses to “Clean Jokes for Toastmasters

  1. Pingback: Live longer | Rafferty's Rules

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