Clean Jokes for Toastmasters

12346918_sFinding her canary at the bottom of the cage, Margery took it to the veterinarian who said, “Sorry, your bird is no more.”

“No!” cried Margery. “I want proof.”

The vet opened a side door and in came a tabby cat and a Labrador retriever. They each sniffed the bird, then shook their heads sadly.

“Okay,” said Margery. “How much do I owe you?

“That will be $300. Originally it would have been $25, but that was before the cat scan and lab report.”

Source: Georgia M. Stephenson, Readers Digest

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A man is scrambling eggs when his wife walks into the kitchen.

“Careful,” she cries. “Careful! You’re cooking too many at once. Too many! Scramble them! Now! We need more butter. They’re going to stick! Careful! Now scramble them again! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt! The salt!”

The man turns and asks, “What’s wrong with you?”

His wife calmly replies, “I wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving and you’re in the passenger seat.”

Source: Readers’ Digest

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A college professor couldn’t help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended, he went around the room asking questions about the day’s lecture. He made sure to pick on the tardy student.

“And who was it that developed the theories behind communism?” the professor asked.

“I don’t know,” the student said.

“If you came to class on time, Mr. Reebs, you would know,” the professor said.

“That’s not true,” the student replied. “I never pay attention anyway!”

Source: Aha Jokes

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8 responses to “Clean Jokes for Toastmasters

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