Clean Jokes for Toastmasters

12346918_sIf you are Joke Master at your next Toastmaster meeting, consider using one of the following jokes.


An accountant dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter looks through the files and asks, “What sort of accountant were you?”

“Oh, I was a CPA,” the accountant replied.

“Name?” St. Peter asks. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. “Oh yes, we’ve been expecting you. You’ve reached your allotted time span.”

“I don’t get it,” the accountant said. “How can that be? I’m only 48 years old.”

Pete looks again at the file. “That’s impossible.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well,” St. Peter says, “We’ve been looking over your time sheets and the hours you’ve charged your clients. By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!”

Source: Aha Jokes


A successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family. To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”

The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”

“I see,” the father-in-law said. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of operations.”

“I hate office work. I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”

“Wait a minute. I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?”

“That’s easy,”  the younger man replied. “Buy me out.”

Source: Aha Jokes


A little boy decided he was going to read the Bible, so he opened his grandma’s huge, old leather-bound bible that had been passed down through the family for generations. As he turned the pages an old, fragile, pressed leaf fell out. He gently picked it up and ran to his grandma, “Grandma! Grandma! I found Adam’s underwear!”



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