Clean Jokes for Toastmasters

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Comedians are master public speakers. I am amazed at how they smoothly transition from one funny anecdote to another, using no notes or lectern. Definitely worth watching for inspiration and hopefully, some imitation.

At your next Toastmasters meeting, consider using one of the following jokes.

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A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. He looked upward and spoke out loud, “Lord, grant me one wish.”

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, “Because you have had the faith to ask, I will grant you one wish.”

The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to.”

The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking: the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific, the concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me.”

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say ‘nothing’ and how I can make a woman truly happy?”

After a few minutes God said, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”

God Jokes

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A couple was celebrating their sixtieth wedding anniversary with their family and friends. One friend took the husband aside and asked, “What is the secret to a long and happy marriage?”

“That’s simple,” replied the older gentleman. “Treat your wife with courtesy and make sure you travel regularly. I’ve taken Sarah on trips all over the world. For our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, I took her to Beijing China.”

His friend asked, “And where did you go for your fiftieth anniversary?”

“I went back to China to pick her up.”

Joel Osteen

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A pastor asked his flock, “What would you like people to say when you’re in the casket?”

One congregant said, “I’d like them to say I helped people.”

Another said, “I’d like them to say I was a fine family man.”

A third responded, “I’d like them to say, ‘Look! I think he’s moving!'”

Source: Readers’ Digest

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2 responses to “Clean Jokes for Toastmasters

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