Clean Jokes for Toastmasters


Select jokes that have unexpected conclusions. If your audience can predict the punch line, you will likely encounter more groans than laughs.

Consider using one of the following jokes.


Leroy had fallen on hard times. He lost his job at the fertilizer plant, his wife left him, his unemployment ran out, and he was evicted from his apartment. He packed what little he had in a knapsack, made a sign that read “Will work for food” and set off down the road on foot.

Toward the middle of the day, he came to a farmhouse and knocked on the front door. A woman answered. Leroy explained his situation and how he would do almost anything for food.

At first, the woman wanted no part of Leroy, but he persisted. Finally, she asked, “Can you paint?”

“Oh yes, ma’am,” Leroy said. “I sure can paint. I’ve done a lot of painting. Let me show you.”

The woman found a can of paint and a brush. “Go around back and paint the porch. I’ll fix you dinner.”

Happily, Leroy went to work. About forty minutes later, he appeared at the front door.

“Are you finished so soon?” asked the woman.

“Oh yes, ma’am,” said Leroy, “but I think you ought to know that’s not a Porsche. It’s a Volvo.”

Source: St. Joseph’s Church bulletin


Four monks were meditating in a monastery. Suddenly, the prayer flag on the roof started flapping.

A young monk came out of his meditation and said, “Flag is flapping.”

A more experienced monk said, “Wind is flapping.”

A third monk who had been there for more than 20 years said, “Mind is flapping.”

The eldest monk was visibly annoyed and said, “Mouths are flapping!”

Source: Yoga Jokes


A rabbi and a priest met at the town’s annual picnic. They were old friends and began their usual banter.

“This ham is delicious,” the priest teased the rabbi. “Your really ought to try it. I know it’s against your religion, but you haven’t lived until you’ve tried Mrs. Hall’s prized Virginia ham. Tell me, when are you going to break down and have some?”

The rabbi looked at his friend with a big grin and said, “At your wedding.”

Source: Readers’ Digest


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