Clean Jokes for Toastmasters


While you don’t need to be a stand-up comic to effectively deliver a joke, it helps if you practice the delivery and timing beforehand. Remember to include a pause before the punch-line and then give the audience time to laugh.

Several Don’ts to Consider…

  • Don’t laugh throughout the joke, especially before delivering the punch-line.
  • Don’t slip out of character when telling the joke.
  • Don’t use accents unless you have mastered them.
  • Don’t be politically incorrect.

Consider using one of these jokes at your next Toastmaster meeting.


After striking out on the baseball field, Charlie Brown returns to the dugout and slumps down on the bench.

“Rats!” he laments. “I’ll never be a big-league player. I just don’t have it. All my life I’ve dreamed of playing in the big leagues, but I know I’ll never make it.”

Lucy, ever one to give advice, replies, “Charlie Brown, you’re thinking too far ahead. What you need is to set more immediate goals for yourself.”

“Immediate goals?” Charlie asks.

“Yes,” Lucy advises, “Start with the next inning. When you go out to pitch, see if you can walk out to the mound without falling down!”

Source: Peanuts by Charles Schulz


A woman purchased a parrot from a pet store. After only one day of having it, she returned to the store and told the sales associate how disappointed she was with it. “That parrot hasn’t said a word yet!” she lamented.

“Does it have a mirror?” asked the sales associate. “Parrots like to look at themselves in the mirror.”

The woman bought a mirror and returned home. The next day she returned and reported that the bird was still not speaking.

“What about a ladder?” the sales associate asked. “Parrots enjoy walking up and down a ladder.”

The woman bought a ladder and returned home. On the third day, she was back again with the same complaint.

“Birds enjoy relaxing on a swing. Why not buy one?” the sales associate suggested.

The woman bought the swing and went home.

The next days she returned to the store and announced that the bird had died.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the sales associate said. “Did the bird say anything before it died?”

“Yes,” the woman replied. “It said, ‘Don’t they sell any food down there?”

Source: The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth by John C. Maxwell

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