Clean Jokes for Toastmasters


The most effective Joke Masters have a knack for telling a joke that is appropriate for the audience at hand.  Very few of them deliver five-minute jokes. They like to keep the jokes short and sweet, usually limiting themselves to less than a minute.

A few examples…

A woman was becoming frustrated with her teenage son’s unwillingness to prepare even the simplest meal. One night, she said in exasperation, “All I’ve done is taken food out of the freezer and heated it in the microwave. You could do that. You know how to push buttons, right?”

“Well,” he replied. “I know how to push yours.”

Source: Readers’ Digest


A frog was feeling down in the dumps, so he went to visit a froggy fortune-teller, hoping to hear some good news.

“Froggy,” said the psychic. “You’re going to meet a beautiful young woman who’ll want to know everything about you.”

“That’s great!” exclaimed the frog. “Where will I meet her—at a party, in a bar, down by the pond?”

“In a biology class,” replied the psychic.

Source: Readers’ Digest


An elderly woman is being examined by a young physician. After about four minutes, she bursts out of the examination room. Spotting an older doctor, she tells him what happened.

The doctor marches down the hallway toward his younger colleague. “What’s the matter with you?” he asks. “That woman is 74 years old. Why would you tell her she’s pregnant?”

“Does she still have the hiccups?” asks the young doctor.

Source: Readers’ Digest


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